the outlaw poet...

Timothy Johnson i dont know if i'll ever make it..to a place i call home..ive lost so much of me along the way..maybe whats left should be alone..its not me to just pkay games..while telling lies to pretty faces..ive had my good times and very bad..i wonder if for me theres a place...lady could you hold my hand...and love me for who i... am...will you bring me home..........the outlaw poet



i always take a hand that reaches out for mine even when i'm still mad and hurt...

Keyshia Cole - Let It Go ft. Missy Elliott, Lil' Kim

10-15-10 Letting Go

10-15-10 Letting Go

Well the next thing I have to do to love myself fully is to let go of the people and things that aren't serving me well or are not right for me anymore. And sometimes it's not so much a matter of fully letting go but of just shifting the focus and meaning of it or them. One example I can think of for this is friendships/relationships, often we enter into these thinking one way about a person and getting into it and seeing them better and realize what you wanted it to be is never going to be. The old me used to just toss everyone aside who let me down or didn’t live up to my standards, (friends and lovers come to me so easily I forget to value then enough at times) but the new me has learned that there is value in all relationships, don’t toss anyone away just don't invest too much in what's not giving back equally.

First thing I am letting go of is my youngest son. He has been by my side and close to my heart his whole life. It was my dream that he live with me forever, even when he found a wife I figured he could bring her to live with us and I'd be the live in grandma. But this scenario of enabling his bad behavior has got to end. So yesterday I filled in my benefits request and I took him off my medical insurance and dental and such, saved me a bit so that’s a few extra dollars I am going to get in my paycheck. Since he won’t be living with me in the New Year he doesn’t really qualify anyway as a dependent. To make the point in my heart that I did the right thing I got home and he and 4 friends were there eating all my food, locusts I have always called them! I love being friends with his friends, they love me so much but I can't let them use me and my home as a place to sneak around and drink and party anymore eating all my food breaking things and leaving messes. I have told them again and again but they don’t listen, all I need is an underage raid of my home and losing it to the courts for this reason, its happened to others I won’t let it happen to me. As I told him, his brother moved out at 18 and self supported he got 2 extra years to get his act together. And it’s so wrong that he never gives me a penny and his brother had to send me money. No time to let that one go--- I can take him to dinner once a week and he can come visit me for holidays but my job is done. It’s time to push the bird out of the nest, that’s loving myself and it’s also loving him, he will never be strong if I keep giving to him.


Next thing I had to let go of is that lovely house on the bay that I wanted, and my hope of Randy living with me or marrying me, if he wants to be friends I will be but I doupt he will he only had time for me when he wated one thing. I tried to fool myself but Vic was right that was NOT loving myself. And I looked today and not only did he say No to me but the house was gone the same day per listing: Withdrawn (10/10/2010) Cat:RNT Life's pretty cruel to me most of the time despite the fact that I work so hard to do so much for so many, but I can’t be even curler to myself by not trying to make it better. I gotta somehow keep my chin up and keep my faith in God strong. That also reminds me of a conversation I had on facebook today with my older son, he's a bible thumper that one and always gets on my case regarding the psychics and other such divination tools I use. But you know, while all the people I use also believe in god I do know that that God prefers us to NOT use these tools as a crutch. Reasons for this are: our fates are changed with each decision we made for example both 3 yrs ago and this summer I was told I would have a child with Randy, both times I had a near miss, both times he didn’t step up when he knew it was a possibility and both times I am fairly sure I lost it. We are not meant to know the future unless GOD tells us, he wants us to live one day at a time and trust in him to work it all out. We are meant to make blind choices, based on our hearts because it’s HE who speaks to our hearts.

So today I am also letting go of fear and anxiety and worry. I am letting go fully of going to psychics, tarot readers, everything, besides no matter what they see it changes in an instant with each choice we make. The only tools I am going to use moving forward are my angle cards, because those are meant to assist the angles in telling me what I need to know in the here and now. I am also going to work hard to listen to my own inner voice-----it does speak to me when it wants to! I do believe its God, and what I must practice more is to not force it but to just allow it.......be still and know that I am God.......

Lastly I am letting go of my house. It has been a home and a haven for 20 years. It’s a miracle that I was able to keep up the payments on it and keep it from falling apart but now it’s near that. So much is in need of repair there and it’s time to let it go and move on. A home is security, its comfort, its family but trust me you can have those things ANYwhere, that old saying that home is where the heart is really is true and my boys can come and spend holidays with me where ever I end up.......I am going to follow my heart......right now as I sit and wait for 5pm to come its not a question of am I leaving and when as both of those are answered for me by circumstances beyond my control.......the only question remaining is will I be renting or will I be buying when I move to Keyport next month........but right now I must let that go and trust in God that whatever way he’s in control and he will take care of me.

Today look in your life and see what you need to let go of. Love yourself enough to get yourself out of situations that aren’t in your best interest. No one is meant to be a cash cow, a slave, used and abused by any one or any circumstance. Don’t let fear keep you in a bad place.......have faith and just let go! And while you are at it write down all your hurts, your pains, your disappointments and let them go too! In my heal your heart workshops I have them write these down and we burn them, it’s so freeing and you can do the same! Let go so you can welcome in all the Loving things God has in store for you…..



With Love and in the Light, Cassie


Let It Go

PS, my son is convinced that the reason my house didnt sell yet is because I asked so may psycis and i didnt trust in God---i have asked god to forgive me for that ---2.5 hrs to go i wonder if he can't forgive me and let it sell in time??? ah but faith i guess is trusting no matter what happens....

Martina McBride - This One's For The Girls

Vivian White Dove Timothy and Vivian sittin in a tree..
K~I~S~S~I~N~G...
first came love.. then came marriage
then came more animals
instead of a baby carriage!! ;D
...xoxo


twice i've lost his child because he turned his back on us.....no more chances for that now...oh the things we lose when we turn away in fear or pride

Timothy Johnson ‎......if you stand still you will forget how to walk......if you lie when in love it can never be true.......if your thoughts are only about your needs you will end up holding your own hand......someone cant love you if you dont give love.......if you dont swim in life you will drown......without laughter its hard to s...mile......if you want a relationship learn to relate......if you give up on love it gives up on you



yeah but who didn't believe in who?

well i loved without holding back, dreamed with all I had, wished upon a shooting star and ended up with a broken heart.....but i guess it made it who i am today....


This One's for the Girls

Back To The Future Music Video - The Power Of Love

10-14-10 Taking Your Power

10-14-10 Taking Your Power

So ready for your daily dose of the madness that is my life? LOL I bet some of you are out there saying I am making this all up by now arent ya? I swear it's all the honest to god’s truth! I am not in politics hahaha and speaking of politicians did I ever tell you why I don't pay attention to this political baloney? Because they all LIE and I have evidence of it. Tonight after work I got a call from the state representives office, they had seen my e-mails ranting about the freeholders not using the funds in the best interest of the county. So they called to tell me they looked into it and they found out that The Historical Society has NO money for purchases at all right now and I said oh yeah then why they jerking my chain with this asking for an appraisal? We exchanged words got nowhere and I ended it with I have a network of over 5,000 and I am going to do all i can to see to it that none of you get re-elected because you are all in bed together lying for one another! I mean it too! Vote them all out is my new mantra!

Next I am driving past the mall just before 5pm and for some reason I think of buying work shoes for Randy and nice cotton socks for him for Christmas. Dang it no way I think back! If you recall when I was with him in VT in Aug I was all happy about having him in my life and that we could share our BDs this year and instantly I thought buy him new work boots, but in late Aug. he had said he wanted a wet suit so I found him one on e-bay with surfing boots, then the day after I gave him his wet suit he shows me these cheap vinyl work shoes he got from some traveling salesman. I told him how those werent good for him and why good leather shoes were worth the investment. So tonight when I thought that I was mad and said heck no let his pretend wife buy him some work boots. I am not spending any more money on someone who doesnt give to me!

I then went and met my friend for happy hour, and we had a great time talking, just the two of us ended up going but it was nice she's one I dont get to talk to enough and shes such a great person (and I am not just saying that because I know she reads my blog) LOL But anyway heading home I get a text from Randy saying the shoes fell apart, I thought good theres some karma for ya! I texted back to take a pic tell me what happend maybe I can get my money back from the dude on e-bay. No the ones I bought he said and it dawned on me........wow I tell him about 5pm my voice told me to buy you new work boots! It happened about 4:51pm he said.....Amazing I texted..... then I texted I think it was your grandmother tell her the "wifes" name and to go bug her to buy your boots! That'll shut him up I thought...........but no he then texts dont forget my powers....i asked if he told me to buy him boots....no but I can read your thoughts.....i texted back stay out of my head! I am trying to attract a husband I dont need u poking around.....u trying to be funny? No I am serious unless its an emergency stay out of my head!.......that shut him up. Soul mate card or not, he's not wanting me and I still want a husband, and he can stay out of my head to keep room for the new one! I told him I'd be his friend but I need a wide very wide space from him so I can make room to love another....and myself! I did a cord cutting spell the last time and it blocked him from remote viewing me and everything, I can do it again if he doesnt respect the healthy boundary I now have in place. I am in control of me not him, so I hope he respects me as I do want to be a fringe friend, I'd be there in a pinch my love will never go away but the best of my love, I gotta save that for someone who wont waste it like he has.

Next thing I did last night was to start a group on FC called Rock the Vote, I am sick and tired of all the lies of these politicians, and how they all lie for one another and how the media reports what they want us to know instead of the real truth. I think in order to make a real stand and any lasting change we need to vote every out of office who is currently being opposed and start fresh, they don't call NJ The Soprano state for nothing! But we give these people power by electing them and we also give them power by not paying enough attention to what they are doing and we give politics in genral power by continuing to bounce back and forth the Republican and Democratic parties....I say lets go for an Independent this year! Its time government remember what power of the people means!

Today I decided that since its a big desire of mine to go for ride and see the fall leaves I was going to ASK someone to take me. I have this awesome friend Robert, who's really sweet and has a fleet of quads that he takes out with him and his 4 kids. A real great guy has his own business and was even going to hire my son to help me out. I saw him tagged in a bunch of FB photos and so I texted him today and said hey when you gonna take me quadding, I want to see the fall colors. He's a great friend, always drives when we go to dances together and pays for me all night too even though we are just friends. Yeah I hope our schedule works out and we can do this because I know I'd love to see the scenery.......and not just the leaves *wink wink* Mind you I am not asking a man for a date, just a friend for a quad ride.....

Today learn to love yourself by taking over your power! Setting up healthy boundaries, asking for what you want and speaking up when you are mistreated. We all give it away each time we back don’t, give in, give up, remain silent. It matters not how big you are or how big they are we are all part of the collective and when we call on the force with-in us we call on the power of the all... the power of Love!



With Love and in the Light, Cassie

The Power of Love

“Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.” Yoda

PS almost forgot the Inspiristone part, a lady at work told me yesterday that her father in-law is ill in the hospital so I gave her one for him, soon as it hit her hand she smiled and hugged me saying it made her feel good, today she told me her mother-in law also loved it and held it all night at the hospital but then left it for him on his bedside table, he was feeling better today….so I gave her another one for her and the our website if they want to order more… …..call it placebo effect if you want the results are there….I believe God’s power of love is in these little stones…..