1-22-11 Transformations
For the first time in my 50 years of life I am living alone, all alone in this big two family, 236 yr old, sitting on 5 acres of land, creepy noise, ghost occupied house. I shake my shoulders and shudder even as I type this. But so far so good.... It's just odd for me because I have always lived with either my parents, in a dorm, with various roommates across the country, my husband, my kids, assorted tenants, at times up to about a dozen people at once!...never never ever alone! I don't know that I like it either, sure I like the fact that the place stays clean, the fridge full of what I put in it till I eat it, and i do have some peace and quiet too, but honestly I like having people around me, not necessarily interacting with them all the time but just being there. I dunno though I am starting to not hate it too much...
So anyway as I left off last time my son was missing and I and the police were scouring all about trying to find him. I finally went up to bed to rest some in case they called me in the night. I got about ready to fall asleep and heard noises.....I went down to the kitchen, club in hand and was greeted by my son......it was him banging the cabinets getting a bowl of cereal! I nagged him big time and called the police officer to report him found , he spoke to him also and nagged him as well and told him he found a warrant on him but he would not come take him in but he better take care of it. Once that died down Jeremy tells me he's found a place to move, some guy he met at Wawa (I think an old customer) LOL He's 40 and he's on housing for a year and willing to let Jeremy move in for only the cost of paying the cable bill. I was worried about it but that night my dreams seemed to comfort me, and I recalled what Mary said when she came to sit with me a bit when he was missing. We were discussing wheather I should have her try and get him housing or if I should take him with me, she said I know you want him to go with you but wouldnt you rather have him grow up to be a man instead and I said yes. I think that's probably about the same moment that he decided to move in with that guy. And while some of my friends call it creepy, I understand his bonding with someone older. I have always had at least one female friend 20 or more years older to take the place of the mother relationship I never had much of, he is probably looking for a father figure. Mary did a scan and she also decided she was at peace about this.
So tuesday I texted from work that I would help him move when I got home as I wanted to meet his roomate and see his place and he said yeah sure, but by the time I got home he was gone. Not all his stuff just the basics but yeah he was gone. :( I recalled my reading from Ray @truepathreadings.com and he said I was about to experience a loss but it was going to be ok and part of my transition and I had thought it was my tennant! Nope they had meant bigger... but then I was thinking yes yes this is good for him to try his wings, and I recalled that I had done the same and came back to the nest a few times before it stuck.... Now who the heck is going to help me when it snows? Or finishing out cleaning the crap out of this place? Or when I move? Dear Lord send me help I prayed...
Wednesday I worked from home and so needed human interaction that I went to see my Shaman for full moon ceremony. I have gone there for years but generally not so much any more as her group has grown so much that the cerimonies last so late waiting for all to get a turn and I get tired. Still it seemed fittng for me to go one last time as so much of my growth has come from this community www.marahlight.com and a special treat of the evening was an Anyi ceremony! Its where we each go up and speak to her and get some guidance and love for our coming year. She told me she felt great things for this move I am about to make and that I was following my heart as spirit was calling me there, and that I would build my own spiritial community there and do much energy work for the area and the people there. She said she sees a great light coming to me soon to help me with this work and this could possibly be the partner I have yeared for for so long, she said be prepared however to accept a relationship that is different than what I always thought that I wanted.
Thursday night was game night and AnnMarie and I had a good turn out, over 30 people came and it was great! I talked to a couple gals out of work and gave then some encouragement and some SpiritStones and there was one new guy who came that I thought was pretty cute and we talked alot but then he wanted to know about another woman he saw there so I ended up doing a little of my matchmaking work and getting them together, they have a date coming up! Maybe they will end up married and I will finally reach my quota! Haha I was glad to note that when he wasn't interested in me it didnt hurt at all like in the past. I am truly evolving and not hurting over those who do not choose me and being paitient for God to bring me the one who will. Friday was my work from home day and it snowed the night before too, I was worried about getting shoveled out since I had to go get Deb at the airport but I texted Jeremy to come shovel me out and he came with two friends and did it! One was his new roomate, he looked pretty brain fired but he was nice enough, I said I guess he likes living with you so he can smoke in the house and he's like oh no no we don't smoke that stuff--Ugh But Jeremy took some more of his things and he also took some food and paper towels but that's ok and I told him I still want to see his new home and he can come over and bring me his laundry anytime I will do it. I have always liked to do laundry especially those I love, as I fold the clothes I think of them and put love into the freshly washed things for them to wear.
So later that night I went to pick Deb up from the airport, her company had sent her to Cancun for the week and she was so greatful to have me pick her up--in todays world that seems to be one of the standards that sets an aquaintence apart from a friend, picking them up at the airport, and she has become a real friend. I talked about Jeremys move and she said she sensed he didnt want me to see where he's living that its a crappy place, I suspect she's right and have decided to not ask again to see it, he knows I'd worry and he does do what he can to protect me from worry, both of my sons do that for me, guess they do apreciate how hard a life its been for me to raise them alone and I did teach them to care about others feelings and not be selfish. I took Deb home and went in for a light dinner and she gave me my present she got me-- 7 Jade frogs! It was odd too because I told her just wednesday night at ceremony the thought of frogs came in my mind and how my mother thought they were evil and unclean (fundamental religious BS) and my thoughts were on the fact that they were god's creation how could they be evil. It must have been one of my guides wispering to me (one had also wispered your home's big enough when I looked with slight envy on my shamans large meeting space and worried about if my new basement was big enough),anyway for some reason I am meant to have these frogs.
One other thing that happend yesterday was Melissa my reiki friend was having a bad day so I told her to call and we could exchange some energy over the phone. I talked to her about fees and getting her talent out there and she talked to me about some messages she got about Randy, she told me how upset she was when she read I am moving a block from him but her guides told her it was OK, she told me of the messages they gave her, said she had a vision also of me running into them together somewhere but I would be ok and she says that woman abuses him awful and keeps him in fear to leave her or make her go. This was a confirmation of a message I had gotten about him earlier in the week, the following satus message:
At Anyi ceremony the Shaman asked of us what one big thing we wanted to change most this year, mine was accepting what is and not wanting what I don't yet have, trusting God to give me what I need when I need it. That is what I am going to work on..........what about YOU? What would you like to transform in your life??
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
This is the song track in my head all this week....I really don't make this up, my guides have a sense of humor LOL
Bizarre Inc.- I'm Gonna Get You
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