So my new year and new life has begun and I am scared and excited! I don't know which is stronger! LOL But I am on my way....this year I am going to earn my wings if everything goes as planned...
Wednesday was a very big day for me, it was the day that my realtor in Keyport was back from vacation and we were ready to make an offer on the grey house. I was working from home that day and quite glad too because I had been having nightmares all night about money and credit card dept and such. This has been quite disturbing to me too because all my "readings" keep showing plenty of money for me, even a raise and promotion, and all my signs point to not saving but to spend (I know this always means within reason) but still I was puzzled that in daylight all things point to good and ok but at night I am tormented. I was starting to think Gus was here haunting me in my sleep! He would do that too, try and make me worry, still try and make us stay in this house. Well we are going this place IS sold no more tricks and games! Jeremy and I even went to dinner tuesday night with Mary and discussed how she is going to take him to social services to see if they can give him housing now that I am leaving. I want him set up, then get enrolled in school now he's on unemployment and given the chance to do something with his life, he's so talented and smart and he can make a good living if he can just catch a break somehow...
But anyway Wed Mike called and I gave him my bid to place and he called back about an hour later and said she said a flat out No and she was mad! Good she made me mad too by jerking me around, ok now lets see what else is there while we wait for her to calm down, get desperate and call back with a counter offer. I am not 100% sold on that house but I don't like anything else...I whined as much to Deb who just said listen you don't like the house that much or you would have offered as much as you can afford and be done with it. I am just very concerned about the small size of the bedrooms and the inability to get a roommate in there to help me pay off my credit cards and the doorways are only 28 inches I am not sure I can get my new couch in there! Fear and worry ugh not good - nothing good can happen when you are clouded in fear and worry. Then I got to thinking about Randy again and despite the fact he's being stubborn now and all my friends say I deserve better I can't shake that destiny thing with him, I look through plenty of fish and hot or not and I just get the feeling of the same old crap with these men, Randy may not be perfect but at least I know what I'm getting with him I thought, and he can fix things and this means a great deal to me too and our sex life is always perfect that really are the two thing I need a man for LOL. Mary probably is right, in the end he and I will end up together....
Thinking on this though got me annoyed all over again from a practical perspective. Here I am about to buy another house, and one too small for us to live in together at that, while he has three adults living with him, two of which only work part time, one of which should have graduated high school by now but won't go to school, and an assortment of free-loading friends all while HE works TWO jobs to support everyone and thinks cuz she pays him a bit of rent he's got a good deal. The cost of repairing all the damage to his home will probably weigh that rent money out but ya can't tell him anything....then I think if they were gone I could move in there and we could use my down payment and buy our dream cabin in Vermont! I told him this on the phone and he agreed, yes that's whats supposed to happen people are supposed to buy homes together he said. Yup not efficient at all this situation and because both of us were stubborn and prideful and kept reacting out of hurt and past patterns instead of working and changing and growing together. No doubt we have free will but every choice every delay COSTS something and I am so ready to stop paying and start earning credits for my old age! This all bothered me till finally I texted him and told him I made an offer on the grey house and got turned down. Oh crap he replied, I can go up if I want too I sent back..Good Idea he texts, Gonna be hard to get a roommate in those tiny bedrooms, get a tiny roommate he says. I sent back a few texts of my worries and fear and concern.. all he said was remember summer's a lot of fun around here...I sent some back about how I felt in my heart I belonged down there....and wrapped up with the 28 inch door fear so he said he'd call me at 9 and he did.
When he called he agreed to go drive by the house and see if he got a vibe, he had already been over there but went past the wrong one. The he talked about his up-coming trip to VT for snowmobiling and said that no one was going with him. He admitted that they don't go with him and he also admitted she only went once ever. See I told him you gave up ME and the great sex life for a woman who would ride with you and you ended up with NO sex and she rode once! Your'e cute when you yell at me he says, I am not yelling I said I am nagging, you're cute when you nag me he said. He also said I never wanted you to leave YOU thought I wanted you to leave and I tossed back the you always complained thing but then said never mind. I also told him of my bad dreams and asked him if he'd come watch over me in the night and said your my soulmate you should watch over me I watch over you and he said someone sure does so he said ok. You need to get out of that house he said, I know I know I said I am just scared to pick a new one. He said don't sweat it I can sell it or rent it out later. Then he started on the I will be able to come see you for fun all the time when you move down here and I said oh no and started wondering do men ever listen? He had to go then as he was home but promised to call the next night.... I went to bed kinda pleased as I realized he had been honest with me about "the family" maybe he can learn to be truthful with me maybe there's hope... I woke up the next day and had no nightmares about money.....
On Thursday Mike called and we talked about houses and he sent me just two possibilities in my price range. The others in other towns were in flood zones or they were short sales and I don't have time to buy a short sale..these two were in the same neighborhood as Randy! One not too close but it has a tenant and is ugly, the other one the one that looks nice is so close to his house that he will most likely drive past in on his way to work everyday! I do not want to be that close, what if she comes over and shoots me? The one good thing, the greater good thing though is if I take that one no way can he come over and see me, everyone would see his truck and since they are around 24/7 like he said his house is never empty and they stay up all night too , him visiting me there would be impossible. But I must buy what I can afford and just to lead me down that path the price got lowered a great deal! So I am going to go see it tomorrow, and the other one with a tenant but it costs more and looks ugly. Mary commented on how the angels just keep finding me houses closer and closer to his.... I do know I gave my free will to god long ago and gave permission to pull the strings of my life in the best possible way for the best possible outcomes. I know I would have given in and let him come to me and stay with her, at least sometimes back and forth, this move would keep me from hurting myself by allowing that, protect me till I am stronger. And every day he drives past my house and sees my car will remind him of what he can have IF he wants to make the changes necessary in his life. Well will just have to see what happens. I sent him a link for a beautiful huge vermont cabin, that borders a river and its a steal of a price, he never said anything about it and I realized he really does want to live in the town with out the cell phone signal because that's where his snowmobile riding buddy lives.....ugh. I want Vermont but the vermont thats not too dang remote! He didn't call last night like he said would.......I was ok.
Today I posted an ad on Craigslist and sorted out one halfway descent guy from the bunch and made a date to meet him on sunday. I still must go on with my life as I know it for now. I must soar as high as I can those who are meant to go with me will catch up. Tomorrow I am driving to Keyport and looking at these other two houses. I also researched and found out that the 28inch doors are a code violation. Randy had promised to come over and make the door wider for me if I got the grey house cuz he said my couch wont fit through it (remember he had brought that one home this past summer when I got the deal on CL) but this means the owner will have to fix it or he won't get a C of O. If I get the house near him he wont be able to come over and help me or even move...ugh...well I have other friends. Also today my boss was supposed to come for my one on one, I hoped to hear of a promotion or something too, but it snowed and this got postponed till monday now. I am amazed at myself that I am keeping so calm and paitent with all these balls up in the air....Oh and another reason why the house near Randy would be good is it backs up to the tributary, I know spirit wants me there to help heal the waters, I can sit there and send energy to the place that feeds into it for starters, toss my reiki charged spirit stones right from my back yard.....
So what about you how's things shaping up in your world? Are you looking for a good fit for yourself? The place where you belong? Making the good choices for yourself? Just keep your mind on what you do want for yourself, keep expecting quality, don't let anyone trick your or cheat you or talk you into less than what you really want......you only end up with as good as what you go for in life.......choose well my friends, choose well........I dare you to move too!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Switchfoot - Dare You To Move
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOTcr9wKC-oWhen he called he agreed to go drive by the house and see if he got a vibe, he had already been over there but went past the wrong one. The he talked about his up-coming trip to VT for snowmobiling and said that no one was going with him. He admitted that they don't go with him and he also admitted she only went once ever. See I told him you gave up ME and the great sex life for a woman who would ride with you and you ended up with NO sex and she rode once! Your'e cute when you yell at me he says, I am not yelling I said I am nagging, you're cute when you nag me he said. He also said I never wanted you to leave YOU thought I wanted you to leave and I tossed back the you always complained thing but then said never mind. I also told him of my bad dreams and asked him if he'd come watch over me in the night and said your my soulmate you should watch over me I watch over you and he said someone sure does so he said ok. You need to get out of that house he said, I know I know I said I am just scared to pick a new one. He said don't sweat it I can sell it or rent it out later. Then he started on the I will be able to come see you for fun all the time when you move down here and I said oh no and started wondering do men ever listen? He had to go then as he was home but promised to call the next night.... I went to bed kinda pleased as I realized he had been honest with me about "the family" maybe he can learn to be truthful with me maybe there's hope... I woke up the next day and had no nightmares about money.....
On Thursday Mike called and we talked about houses and he sent me just two possibilities in my price range. The others in other towns were in flood zones or they were short sales and I don't have time to buy a short sale..these two were in the same neighborhood as Randy! One not too close but it has a tenant and is ugly, the other one the one that looks nice is so close to his house that he will most likely drive past in on his way to work everyday! I do not want to be that close, what if she comes over and shoots me? The one good thing, the greater good thing though is if I take that one no way can he come over and see me, everyone would see his truck and since they are around 24/7 like he said his house is never empty and they stay up all night too , him visiting me there would be impossible. But I must buy what I can afford and just to lead me down that path the price got lowered a great deal! So I am going to go see it tomorrow, and the other one with a tenant but it costs more and looks ugly. Mary commented on how the angels just keep finding me houses closer and closer to his.... I do know I gave my free will to god long ago and gave permission to pull the strings of my life in the best possible way for the best possible outcomes. I know I would have given in and let him come to me and stay with her, at least sometimes back and forth, this move would keep me from hurting myself by allowing that, protect me till I am stronger. And every day he drives past my house and sees my car will remind him of what he can have IF he wants to make the changes necessary in his life. Well will just have to see what happens. I sent him a link for a beautiful huge vermont cabin, that borders a river and its a steal of a price, he never said anything about it and I realized he really does want to live in the town with out the cell phone signal because that's where his snowmobile riding buddy lives.....ugh. I want Vermont but the vermont thats not too dang remote! He didn't call last night like he said would.......I was ok.
Today I posted an ad on Craigslist and sorted out one halfway descent guy from the bunch and made a date to meet him on sunday. I still must go on with my life as I know it for now. I must soar as high as I can those who are meant to go with me will catch up. Tomorrow I am driving to Keyport and looking at these other two houses. I also researched and found out that the 28inch doors are a code violation. Randy had promised to come over and make the door wider for me if I got the grey house cuz he said my couch wont fit through it (remember he had brought that one home this past summer when I got the deal on CL) but this means the owner will have to fix it or he won't get a C of O. If I get the house near him he wont be able to come over and help me or even move...ugh...well I have other friends. Also today my boss was supposed to come for my one on one, I hoped to hear of a promotion or something too, but it snowed and this got postponed till monday now. I am amazed at myself that I am keeping so calm and paitent with all these balls up in the air....Oh and another reason why the house near Randy would be good is it backs up to the tributary, I know spirit wants me there to help heal the waters, I can sit there and send energy to the place that feeds into it for starters, toss my reiki charged spirit stones right from my back yard.....
So what about you how's things shaping up in your world? Are you looking for a good fit for yourself? The place where you belong? Making the good choices for yourself? Just keep your mind on what you do want for yourself, keep expecting quality, don't let anyone trick your or cheat you or talk you into less than what you really want......you only end up with as good as what you go for in life.......choose well my friends, choose well........I dare you to move too!
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Switchfoot - Dare You To Move
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