2-9-11 The Ties That Bind

2-9-11  The Ties That Bind

When I left off last wednesday night Randy called, he said he was at work and for a change had a quiet truck and could talk. I asked him how his day went and he said he spent it working on his snowmobile. Yep so that's the reason why he didn't offer to come up and see me the night before to comfort me, I knew he was off on Wed but as always his snowmobile came first. Jeremy came down and was motioning me to hang up, he had told me earlier that he didn't like Randy for me that I needed to find a man who'd take care of me when I needed him so I didn't stay on the phone long, torn between my love for him and the lack that I see in his actively loving me.


So I wake up thursday morning ready to head to Ohio, the first thing I see is a note from my oldest boy Dustin that he is de-friending me again on facebook, as you may recall we had a falling out before and weren't talking. The problem with him is he has very rigid religious beliefs like my father does and they are so very judgemental of every thing else that is not thier belief. I realize they are taught that they must save the rest of us by showing us the light but Ugh. I wrote back though and told him that if he really couldn't not comment on what my friends say then yes its probably for the best. He doesn't know how much my freinds and family facebook connections mean to me, reading about thier day to day lives, seeing thier photos, trading a message or comment here and there, I was really going to miss the connection with him.... But anyway I had a long drive ahead of me and no time to waste, I had to drive across PA with Jeremy the unruly one, to Pittsburgh to get Dustin the judgemental one, and then to Belmont to my Dad's, the cranky one...boy did I wish I had something to get me through this ordeal to come, but I realized I do I have my inner peace and I can go to that anytime I need it...so off I went to bury my mommy.....

The drive to Ohio actually wasn't so bad, Jeremy and I it turns out had plenty to talk about and I was pleased to listen and talk to him more as a friend than as a parent and learn he also has a strong desire to help others. I listened to his tales and gave him some words of wisdom based on my own experiences of helping others. We got to the airport in record time and Dustin looked glad to see me, guess he did miss his mommy some too....and when we got to Dad's house he was glad to see us all and I must say we all managed to get along quite well the whole time, that's the thing about families we may fight and bicker in our day to day but when tragedy strikes we all pull together and stand side by side and thats because of the good glue we have called LOVE, it may stretch till it's paper thin but when the going gets tough it snaps right back and holds you together. Don't ever, no matter how hard you fight, underestimate the power of family love, and family doesn't neccesarily mean blood bond either....

Friday night was the viewing, we received friends from 5-7pm in the same funeral home that we used for both my grandparents and my great grandma before and countless other relatives over the years. I was glad we did it, a chance for people to come and have some closuer, I cried when I saw mom was wearing the dress she wore to my wedding, and joked that it's the same dress I wore to Gus's high school prom (he was a teacher and I chaperoned with him) when I was pregnant with Jeremy, LOL  Apparently she had it picked out and had it all washed and cleaned ready for this day. LOL that's mom for ya. I had been dismayed because I had spent the last 24 hrs since my arrival looking for my grandma's engagment ring, the one they gave me when she died but my mom wanted it so after a year or two I let her have it and she said well you can get it when I die....but it was lost and my one aunt told a story about how she thought someone stole it from my mom at wal-mart, and my mom thought she gave it to me...in the end though right before we headed over to the funeral home I found it among her perfume bottles. We also put some photos and her bible and other things in the casket. My cousin Brad (the one who met me in NYC for Christmas) came with his partner and the first thing he showed me was that he had the SpiritStone I gave him in his pocket. It gave me an idea and when Dustin came over and sat with me and sobbed and sobbed on my shoulder  I got out a SpiritStone for him and charged it and then decided to give one to my Mom too! So I got a nice rose quartz one for love and put it under her hand, I instantly had a vision of her greeting me in heaven and holding out the stone to me saying see I held onto it till you got here...this gave me much comfort.

The next day we all went to breakfast together and then to the funeral home for the service, I took a picture of the no gun sign in the window and sent it to Randy. The funeral  was sad and I cried but not too too much, from where I sat I could see the spirtitstone in her hand, and that reminded me of the vision of the night before and gave me comfort, yes I was handling this pretty darn well I told myself, at least till they got to the end and I realized they were going to close the casket and take my mommy away! Oh how I started sobbing then, but thankfully there were plenty of friends and family to come over and give me a hug as they passed by the casket to say thier last goodbyes. The next thing was the ride over to the funeral, me, my sons, my Dad and my cousin's son were in the car from the funeral home as we rode to the cemetary. Talk about dead silence, it was defaning, then I recalled a funny story my friend Larry told me. He's a mortician and when he was new on the job he was driving the herase with the whole funeral proccesion behind him and somehow took a wrong turn and got stuck driving through the african safari section at Great Adventure! I kid you not, he said lions were charging them, baboons were jumping on the roof and monkeys were pulling on wiper blades, he thought for certain he was going to get fired! As it turns out the family was quite touched by it stating that thier desceased loved one simply adored african animals and they were so moved that his last ride went through there! We all had a chuckle and went on to the business of getting my mom to the cemetary....

The church had a luncheon for us after the ceremony and we all got to sit and visit some. Dustin and I walked into the sanctury before heading downstairs to eat and I was amazed by the sign in the back of the church: Do a whole lot less judging and a whole lot more loving. I pointed it out to him and just said love love love love that will fix us all, I know he means well and will get this one day. We then headed down to eat and my cousin Rob, who was born on my 5th birthday had been telling me a story of how he climbed to the top of a river to get stones for a buddy and how a hawk flew over, I was amazed by the story so he brought me some of the stones and the flint from this very sacred area. Our native american roots go deep. I gave him a spiritstone, his wife Gail and my Aunt Sandy too...when I asked them what they wanted them chanrged with they all said PEACE, so peace it was. Then Gail asked if I could also add help with a trial and I said no only one thing at at time but I do think in order for you to have peace this will also be a part of it...

Sunday the boys and I went to church with my Dad as I knew how happy that would make him. I even asked for prayer and let them anoint me with oil and lay hands on me, they did Jeremy at the same time and I did feel better. It was hard though to sit there during the singing because they sang all of my Mom's favorite songs and I just kept crying but crying's good for the soul and it's good to get it out. The trip back home on Monday was pretty much un-eventful. I did text Randy to check on him and he called, he had called me every day since my Mom died except for sunday night and I sensed something wasn't quite right with him and I was correct....he called and told me a tale of a guy he met, a possible riding buddy who kinda blew him off and he was hurt, kept asking me if there was something wrong with him. Jeremy grabbed the phone and asked him if he'd take him snowmobiling if he could raise the money to pay for the gas and he said sure sure I'll take you. I wish Randy could see how desperately Jeremy wants his attention and companionship....if we had lived closer I am sure that would have grown more as they have so very much in common.....sigh..... But yeah there's a bond of Love there with Randy that no matter how much he ticks me off it will last, it's stood the test of time. Jeremy commented angrily in the car why don't you just tell him to make them move out so you can move in with him and I said no I can't force it, I must leave it in God's hands.....

Today I want you to take a look at the ties that bind your life, the connections, the family, the close friends, even the not so close friends yet the people who no matter what comes, no matter the distance or the obstacles between you,  you know that you are always going to have a connection to them and them to you. We have ties that can bind us to one another, common faiths, experineces, likes search for those to love about one another and forget about the areas when you don't agree. Connect, connect, connect and love love love!  I can't emphasise this enough! And I leave you with this quote:
“Strange is our situation here upon this earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. One thing we do know is that we are here for the sake of others..for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected. Many times a day I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of peoople, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received" ~Albert Einstein


With Love and in the Light, Cassie   

The Ties That Bind - Bruce Springsteen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q83NktVFUD0