Switchfoot - Dare You To Move

1-7-11 Making the Right Choices

 

1-7-11  Making the Right Choices

So my new year and new life has begun and I am scared and excited! I don't know which is stronger! LOL But I am on my way....this year I am going to earn my wings if everything goes as planned...

Wednesday was a very big day for me, it was the day that my realtor in Keyport was back from vacation and we were ready to make an offer on the grey house. I was working from home that day and quite glad too because I had been having nightmares all night about money and credit card dept and such. This has been quite disturbing to me too because all my "readings" keep showing plenty of money for me, even a raise and promotion, and all my signs point to not saving but to spend (I know this always means within reason) but still I was puzzled that in daylight all things point to good and ok but at night I am tormented. I was starting to think Gus was here haunting me in my sleep! He would do that too, try and make me worry, still try and make us stay in this house. Well we are going this place IS sold no more tricks and games! Jeremy and I even went to dinner tuesday night with Mary and discussed how she is going to take him to social services to see if they can give him housing now that I am leaving. I want him set up,  then get enrolled in school now he's on unemployment and given the chance to do something with his life, he's so talented and smart and he can make a good living if he can just catch a break somehow...

But anyway Wed Mike called and I gave him my bid to place and he called back about an hour later and said she said a flat out No and she was mad! Good she made me mad too by jerking me around, ok now lets see what else is there while we wait for her to calm down, get desperate and call back with a counter offer. I am not 100% sold on that house but I don't like anything else...I whined as much to Deb who just said listen you don't like the house that much or you would have offered as much as you can afford and be done with it. I am just very concerned about the small size of the bedrooms and the inability to get a roommate  in there to help me pay off my credit cards and the doorways are only 28 inches I am not sure I can get my new couch in there! Fear and worry ugh not good - nothing good can happen when you are clouded in fear and worry. Then I got to thinking about Randy again and despite the fact he's being stubborn now and all my friends say I deserve better I can't shake that destiny thing with him, I look through plenty of fish and hot or not and I just get the feeling of the same old crap with these men, Randy may not be perfect but at least I know what I'm getting with him I thought, and he can fix things and this means a great deal to me too and our sex life is always perfect that really are the two thing I need a man for LOL. Mary probably is right, in the end he and I will end up together....

Thinking on this though got me annoyed all over again from a practical perspective. Here I am about to buy another house, and one too small for us to live in together at that, while he has three adults living with him, two of which only work part time, one of which should have graduated high school by now but won't go to school, and an assortment of free-loading friends all while HE works TWO jobs to support everyone and thinks cuz she pays him a bit of rent he's got a good deal. The cost of repairing all the damage to his home will probably weigh that rent money out but ya can't tell him anything....then I think if they were gone I could move in there and we could use my down payment and buy our dream cabin in Vermont! I told him this on the phone and he agreed, yes that's whats supposed to happen people are supposed to buy homes together he said. Yup not efficient at all this situation and because both of us were stubborn and prideful and kept reacting out of hurt and past patterns instead of working and changing and growing together. No doubt we have free will but every choice every delay COSTS something and I am so ready to stop paying and start earning credits for my old age! This all bothered me till finally I texted him and told him I made an offer on the grey house and got turned down. Oh crap he replied, I can go up if I want too I sent back..Good Idea he texts, Gonna be hard to get a roommate in those tiny bedrooms, get a tiny roommate he says. I sent back a few texts of my worries and fear and concern.. all he said was remember summer's a lot of fun around here...I sent some back about how I felt in my heart I belonged down there....and wrapped up with the 28 inch door fear so he said he'd call me at 9 and he did.


When he called he agreed to go drive by the house and see if he got a vibe, he had already been over there but went past the wrong one. The he talked about his up-coming trip to VT for snowmobiling and said that no one was going with him.  He admitted that they don't go with him and he also admitted she only went once ever. See I told him you gave up ME and the great sex life for a woman who would ride with you and you ended up with NO sex and she rode once! Your'e cute when you yell at me he says, I am not yelling I said I am nagging, you're cute when you nag me he said. He also said I never wanted you to leave YOU thought I wanted you to leave and I tossed back the you always complained thing but then said never mind. I also told him of my bad dreams and asked him if he'd come watch over me in the night and said your my soulmate you should watch over me I watch over you and he said someone sure does so he said ok. You need to get out of that house he said, I know I know I said I am just scared to pick a new one. He said don't sweat it I can sell it or rent it out later. Then he started on the I will be able to come see you for fun all the time when you move down here and I said oh no and started wondering do men ever listen? He had to go then as he was home but promised to call the next night.... I went to bed kinda pleased as I realized he had been honest with me about "the family" maybe he can learn to be truthful with me maybe there's hope... I woke up the next day and had no nightmares about money.....


On Thursday Mike called and we talked about houses and he sent me just two possibilities in my price range. The others in other towns were in flood zones or they were short sales and I don't have time to buy a short sale..these two were in the same neighborhood as Randy! One not too close but it has a tenant and is ugly, the other one the one that looks nice is so close to his house that he will most likely drive past in on his way to work everyday! I do not want to be that close, what if she comes over and shoots me? The one good thing, the greater good thing though is if I take that one no way can he come over and see me, everyone would see his truck and since they are around 24/7 like he said his house is never empty and they stay up all night too , him visiting me there would be impossible. But I must buy what I can afford and just to lead me down that path the price got lowered a great deal! So I am going to go see it tomorrow, and the other one with a tenant but it costs more and looks ugly. Mary commented on how the angels just keep finding me houses closer and closer to his.... I do know I gave my free will to god long ago and gave permission to pull the strings of my life in the best possible way for the best possible outcomes. I know I would have given in and let him come to me and stay with her, at least sometimes back and forth, this move would keep me from hurting myself by allowing that, protect me till I am stronger. And every day he drives past my house and sees my car will remind him of what he can have IF he wants to make the changes necessary in his life. Well will just have to see what happens. I sent him a link for a beautiful huge vermont cabin, that borders a river and its a steal of a price, he never said anything about it and I realized he really does want to live in the town with out the cell phone signal because that's where his snowmobile riding buddy lives.....ugh. I want Vermont but the vermont thats not too dang remote! He didn't call last night like he said would.......I was ok.


Today I posted an ad on Craigslist and sorted out one halfway descent guy from the bunch and made a date to meet him on sunday. I still must go on with my life as I know it for now. I must soar as high as I can those who are meant to go with me will catch up. Tomorrow I am driving to Keyport and looking at these other two houses. I also researched and found out that the 28inch doors are a code violation. Randy had promised to come over and make the door wider for me if I got the grey house cuz he said my couch wont fit through it (remember he had brought that one home this past summer when I got the deal on CL) but this means the owner will have to fix it or he won't get a C of O. If I get the house near him he wont be able to come over and help me or even move...ugh...well I have other friends. Also today my boss was supposed to come for my one on one, I hoped to hear of a promotion or something too, but it snowed and this got postponed till monday now. I am amazed at myself that I am keeping so calm and paitent with all these balls up in the air....Oh and another reason why the house near Randy would be good is it backs up to the tributary, I know spirit wants me there to help heal the waters, I can sit there and send energy to the place that feeds into it for starters, toss my reiki charged spirit stones right from my back yard.....


So what about you how's things shaping up in your world? Are you looking for a good fit for yourself? The place where you belong? Making the good choices for yourself? Just keep your mind on what you do want for yourself, keep expecting quality, don't let anyone trick your or cheat you or talk you into less than what you really want......you only end up with as good as what you go for in life.......choose well my friends, choose well........I dare you to move too!



With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Switchfoot - Dare You To Move

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOTcr9wKC-o

Tom Petty - Learning To Fly

1-4-11 Resolutions

1-4-11  Resolutions

So how many of you out there made yourself some New Years Resolutions? How many of you are like some of my friends who don't believe in making them because they say they will just break them? Well I myself made some, and I may or may not keep them but if they are one's that are important to me I will just keep re-making, right? Isn't that the best way to do it?

 

So New Years Eve, despite the fact that I prefer to stay home and avoid the high prices, the dangerous roads and the same old lang syne... I drive 40 minutes to go to a party because my gal pal who is going through some really hard times in her relationship (course she's been going through hard times for years in this relationship) begged me to do something with her. So since this event was halfway between us, and hosted by a good organizer buddy of mine I decided that I would go and I promoted it on CC, which drew in a few of "my people".  Then last minute a guy I know called me up and invited me to a party at his house and was bummed I had plans.. well long story short my gal pal never came and claimed she fell asleep but I really feel like she blew me off for having boyfriend stuff come up as that is the norm with her...needless to say she's not making it into my new year.... Resolution #1 Have only quality friendships.

 

Saturday the kids were here, I had let Jeremy have a friend over to celebrate New Years with him and my house was in disarray and a lot of food had been eaten. I went up to have a talk with them when they woke up and saw two bags of suspect material, when I asked if was what I thought it was they said it was not, so I took it and said kewl then I can have it.....the look of panic....So I sat down and laid it on the line to my son and his friend. I said it's your lying that disappoints me the most because you know lying is simply nothing more than being a cowardly little boy who gets his hand caught in the cookie jar. It's time to Man Up and be truthful with me all the time, cuz I am cursed, the truth always finds me even when I'd rather now know, so at least quit being such cowards and have some integrity and tell the truth. And the house is a mess clean it! They were good the rest of the day and later that night I went to see "True Grit" with Mary...a good lesson there in that movie, back in those days people lived hard, times were tough and the people tougher but one thing I saw in the movie and that was a man's word was his word, even if his last words to you were ya stole my horse and now I am going to shoot ya! LOL But still truth and integrity those are valuable. Resolution # 2 Expect (and give) only truth and integrity from the people in my life.

 

Sunday I had made appointments with my realtor who sold my home up here, she's been anxious about me not having a new place and ready to get out of this one as they won't close till I am getting out..So she wanted to show me a couple homes in a town next to where I want to live. I called Mike and he was on vacation but got his broker to show me the grey house again, I wanted to take measurements and such before I made an offer, and so I went down. She and I talked and sorted out the whole thing and decided on a price much lower than they are asking but hey they lied to me they messed with me its going to cost them, we will see what happens... I was happy to get out of there just in time to make noon mass in the church down there and sat there saying see God I am starting the New Year off right...he said "good now make a habit of it"! Resolution #3 Stay active in church and spiritual communities

 

Then I headed to the mall for my newly formed Walking & Talking group. This is Resolution #4 Be more physically active I think that's enough to get started on for now, as the week unfolded into Monday and today my resolution #1 was challenged quite a bit, people who come into my circle don't go away any too easily, I really don't know why either. One guy I was talking to today was saying you know Cassie you have a lot of enemies out here, people you have removed from your groups and such you should be worried about that. Nope not worried a bit I told him I am proud of each and every enemy that I have because they are people who lacked integrity, people who mistreated others, or people who weren't charitable even to themselves, people who used others, slandered others, brought clouds of negativity to the groups. No I am proud of every enemy because it shows what I will and will not stand for. I don't compromise in order to have friends.

 

Now this is not to say I do not LOVE these people, I love each and every one because we are all related, we are all children of god and its my enemies that I pray for the most. If any of them ever comes to me and asks for Reiki or a sympathetic ear I am there for them, I forgive I forget I give second third and 70 times 7 chances...if they want to evolve into the loving beings they were created to be, if not they can stay away and not muddy up my aura! I pray that you all have the same courage in your relationships this year...

 

Today take a look at what resolutions you wish to make for yourself, where is there room for improvement? Can you set a few goals for yourself to become an even better you this year? If you can't think of any just ask God , he will help you.....Cuz I don't know about you but last year I started walking my path but this year I'm learning to fly!!!

 

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

 

 Tom Petty - Learning To Fly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5BJXwNeKsQ

 

12-31-10 Should Old Aquantience Be Forgot?

12-31-10    Should Old Aquantience Be Forgot?

Well it's almost the end of 2010, what a year it has been for me too! A year of transformation and growth, a year of endings and preparations for new beginnings, I have had a lot of heartache and pain this year with this love affair, this move. and with my sons, the severing of my friendship with Victor and the failing of our business.. but it's all "growing" pains and things that I needed to deal with. I have much to look forward to in the New Year...my house sold, I am collaborating and growing CassiesCalendar and working on making some money, I have a few replies on men on PlentyofFish, new friends and I did an amazing amount of personal growth last year and I can only reap benefits from all that! There will be some people who will be going with me into my new year and my new life and some who will not......and like the quote says: Don't regret those whom you left behind, there is a reason they didn't make it to your future....

So Sunday after Christmas I woke up to reports of a huge snowstorm coming our way....I didn't much panic just headed over to the store for some supplies and back home to keep warm and chat with friends on the phone and the computer. I had my work lap top and knew I could get everything done the next day from here that needed to be done. My only real concern was how I would afford to get my driveway plowed as it costs about $100 and up! So I prayed dear God please send me a friend to plow me for free or for $20 as that's all that I can afford... He answered me but not the way I expected...the next day Jeremy got up and I went out to clean my car and the end of the drive way and see what needed to be done. He reported back that we had gotten under 6 inches and he backed the car up and down the driveway a few times to prove it to me. I was happy, and later in the day shocked to hear that other parts of the state had gotten up to 2 feet and more! I texted Randy and asked was he playing in the snow..I got no reply.

Monday my realtor called and said we needed to make an appointment to see Tony and sign the buyers contract that was ready for my house sell to the township, she wanted to meet early in the day but I knew I needed to get into work and do some field samples at the office so we set the appointment to 2pm....Tony said that due to a few more legalities related to the public money he didn't see the closing being till end of Feb instead of end of Jan so I had a little less panic on finding a new home--but I must say the heart was beating fast and the chest was tightening up as I signed the papers to sell my home of 20+ years having nowhere to go to...but its done and now its just the red tape of it all. I really wish the grey house had let me rent so I had something to focus on during this long wait but I must trust the universe and this process.

Tuesday evening I had a doctor appointment for Jeremy so he could discuss getting some meds for depression.. what a fignt that turned into because his friend who tried to get him to do some illegal stuff with called and I had told that kid he was not to contact my son or come on my property. In the end though I won that battle. I take zero pleasure having to control my 20 year olds friends and life but he has proven to me he can't make good decisions and he wants to live with me so he must do as I say. I did come up with and idea though and Mary is going to take him to social services and see if we can get him on track with some housing, enrolled in school, etc. Time to re-do what I been trying to do and keep trying new things till it works. He's my son and my responsibility until I train him to be responsible for himself, that job is not quite done yet....but I vow to finish it!

I went home that night and wrote to Randy and asked him to come up for a 'visit" the stress of all this was just too much and I needed some companionship, I got the reply the next day that he had written at 10:30 sure I will come tomorrow night....I reflected on how my card that day had been soul mate and shook my head and ordered a tarot reading before he arrived Wed night...he said what they all say--that he and I are destined to be together, we are soul mates, twins but he is not healed enough yet to be the man he needs to be and he is not wanting to make any changes. He predicted much pain and turmoil for me in regards to the woman who lives with him now. So braced with all that knowledge when he walked in the door I didn't feel like rushing over to him and he didn't come over and hug me either--finally we did but the night together just wasn't what it could be for me, not as satisfying. I asked if he had found my purple lights, the ones he got me for Christmas one year and he packed with his stuff and ended up having to listen to a long drawn out tale of her getting on his case over them, how she stalks his computer, accuses him of going to see me, somehow she got your name he said maybe my sister told her... your sisters love me why would they do that? To cause me trouble he said. Honestly I am so sick of this story.....

The next day I reflected on the whole thing, the destiny part of he and I, his stubbornness and immaturity. When the reader told me about her being angry at me and to beware of the bad karma it would bring me I said but he says she don't love him...No she does not love him but its like an old doormat, its old its ugly you don't care about it but if someone stole it you'd be upset because at least it was there for you to wipe your feet on. So Randy would rather be her doormat than my boyfriend because she gives him TONS of freedom to play and ride and be with the guys--he loves me he cares about me but only when its easy for him and not in the way of what he wants to do. Its all he knows and all he wants to know. So I texted him and said I am not going to contact you unless I get desperate so she don't fight with you. OK he said. Maybe never I then added, cuz i cant be with someone for fun only and not be in their life at all... You'll be happy he sent back. Yep I sure will I sent back goodbye. I sat there and cried then I called Mary. She said he doesn't think you mean it, he knows you always go back to him. Well the signs are there I said, yes he and you belong together but he's being selfish, he wants to play. I need more its time to do the work of forgetting him and moving forward to find a husband who wants to share his life with me and have a balance that is more healthy between work friends play relationship...

Thursday night we got some events posted, made plans for some more, and had a very successful game night. I also got the tickets from AnnMarie for the 70s rock concert and started passing them out. I posted ads and am getting new members. Looks like this is going to be more of me being the big social organizer , 10 years of it and its not done yet..well now I am going to start making a bit of money with what I do. I have bills to pay and times aren't easy right now.... But its fun and people out there some of them really do love and care about me. I may not have a husband but I have 5,000 friends! LOL One of them sent me an e-mail forward, was cute basically it said I am re-newing your contract as my friend for 2011 so don't screw it up! Hahaha it was cute though so I went and sent it to some of my friends, and there were some that as I hovered over the check box in the address bar I decided no and left it blank. And then I went through my contacts in my e-mail and on my phone and I deleted a few of them....I want a clean future and only those who have proven to be trustworthy and loyal good friends do I want to take with me. No reason to have any big speeches or such, just drift apart ever so peacefully.....

So the question for you as we approach this New Year's eve, this wonderful new begining of opportunity and possibility is this......Should any of your old acquaintances be forgot? Is there anyone in your life who's been less than a GOOD friend? If so let them go....don't keep hoping that they are going to change and wasting precious moments of your life with anyone or anything that is less than satisfying. The people who are meant to be in your life trust me they will come back, and when they do, if they have changed you can consider another try but ONLY if changes have been made. Same goes with less than satisfying circumstances in your life, don't like your job, your neighborhood, your body, that ratty old couch that hurts your back? Let these things go and do the work to make the changes you want to see....what you have may be old and comfortable and familiar but if you aren't satisfied, if what you have doesn't bring you joy you are fool to keep clinging to it, just like I am a fool to keep clinging to people who make me sad.........no more!

Happy New Year to everyone!  1-1-11 is a very very special day for us all---------the possibilities are endless......

With Love and In the Light,  Cassie

Auld Lang Syne - "Happy New Year" :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvJRmdN9iyU

Harry Belafonte - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

12-25-10 The Spirit of Christmas

12-25-10  The Spirit of Christmas Is everyone having a Merry little Christmas today? You know you don't have to be Christian to celebrate with those of us who are, Christmas first and foremost is about the gift of LOVE, for we believe that today is the day Jesus Christ was born on this earth to live, teach and to die for us, the greatest gift of love possible God sent his son here for US, because he loves us and so much yet we had sinned so much and he didn't want us to have to pay for those sins, that's why he sent his son to take our place for all the wrongs we did and will ever do.....I am learning more and more everyday what love really is all about.... Thursday I worked from home and supervised Jeremy cleaning up the house a bit, even though it's almost bare in here, and we weren't spending Christmas here that old clean and prepare instinct is strong in me! I did light a red candle in the green holder that I have LOL, and I have a few cards that came in from my friends who still send snail mail, and  lots more electronic cards...I even got an e-mail from Randy wishing me a Merry Christmas....I wish he could be with me just a little but I won't ask, don't want to hear him say no cuz he's going to be with them... I also met Mary for dinner, she was trying to encourage me to ask Randy to meet me for midnight Mass on my way home from NYC....I was considering it but then thought better of it....if he is alone as she suspects then he needs to be alone and pray like I told him to do, I can't pull the cocoon off the butterfly no matter how much I want to....she still thinks he and I will end up together but I am trying hard to not think about it and worry about my own path. I also spoke to the lawyer for the township who said he had the contract ready for my house, but I needed to have my lawyer look it over first, oh and all this had to be done by the 30th or they could possibly loose the grant money they have for it....nice 3 yrs of looking at my house, down to nearly half of my original asking price, and now they want to rush me into signing in a week, over the holidays, and during mecury retrograde  no less! But Cheryl called Tony (my lawyer) and he said he'd look it over and be ready for me monday...that man is saint I tell you! I met him when my son first got into trouble and we had to get a lawyer, he was very reasonably priced and let us pay in installments, and he gave a few fatherly talks to Jeremy. Yes an angel of a lawyer that man is. Friday I got up and headed into the city to meet my cousin and his boyfriend, they took me to see The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center and then to this fancy Brazilian steak house for dinner, all their treat! I gave them both a SpiritStone and shared with them what they can do and asked them to choose something for me to put the intention of in for them.  After dinner we walked over to see the tree and watch the ice skaters. There was a cheering in the crowd on the ice and we realized that some guy had just proposed to his gal, truly a magical moment, I felt a twinge of sadness as my greatest wish was that Randy would magically appear and propose to me, but I repressed it. It was so good to spend time with Brad, he was like a brother to me growing up. I had posted on my wall about how excited I was, that we had grown up together and always did all the decorating for the holidays, it's actually inspired him to launch a business of his own: http://www.thechristmasaddict.com/ It was hard for me to accept their generosity, as much of my life I am the giver but I gotta say I may be broke this year but I have seen that sometimes when you are your poorest is when life gives you your richest gifts! It's funny too how the night before I was getting ready for bed, it was late but my voice said to read a few pages in my Sylvia Brown book, about having spirituality in all the relationships in your life, a good book I recommend it. But anyway she was talking about homosexuality and how it wasn't to be judged and more things that i already believed but she said one thing I had never heard before and that was that Jesus never once said it was wrong! I posted as much in my status when the conversation turned that way when my friends congratulated me on my evening in NYC and I repeated what she said---well that got my bible thumping older boy on a roll and the messages flew back and forth! Such emotion that kid has on this topic! I am going to have to write a blog one day soon on my personal thoughts on homosexuality, how I came to my personal beliefs and share it for you all for your consideration... But I digress. Last night, I don't think I could have spent a more lovely Christmas eve, I just may make it a tradition! There was much talk and sharing, I was disappointed to hear them tell me that they don't go to any church and the reasons why they don't, the condemnation and the judgment is so sad. But I was glad to hear of the spiritual things they have studied and how their faith mirrors my own. Rik actually works for a clinic in Florida that provides medical care for Aids patients who don't have insurance. Both of them do much charity work for humanity, and I told them how wonderful that is, how proud I am of them and not to let suffering concern them too much that there is great lessons and growth in it... But anyway I need to wrap this all up for now, I am heading off to a lovely Christmas day dinner that my warm hearted Jewish friend put together for my son and I, she loves us so much and felt bad that we had no home to cook in this year she is even making us Ham (my family tradition) and invited over some of her jewish friends to fill the table! So Christmas Eve with the homosexuals and Christmas day with the Jews! I am so blessed to be loved and accepted by them, me this crazy cafeteria catholic, who studies and embraces more faiths that I have time to mention. They not only like me they LOVE me! Before I left the city last night I looked up at all the lights in Times Square and felt lonely, I recalled the photo in Randy's phone of him and his "wife" and kids and I felt a bit resentful that he never took me and my son there, or hardly anywhere yet he did for them all the things I prayed he'd do for me and my sons. It bothered me for a bit and I prayed about it as I headed back to NJ...then the voice inside me said, "he just doesn't have it in him" when my thoughts were on wishing he'd come bring me a ring and make everything right.... then the voice said "but he'll help you move in" and I decided to be happy with things as they were rather than mope that they aren't what I want. Shortly there after a CassiesCalendar buddies called and said he saw my pictures that I was in NY and he was there working did I want to come up for hot chocolate and see his office, already heading home but next time I will call you I said......and I had tons and tons of my friends messaging me today, and also some college friends sending love and understanding when they saw the fight I had with older boy.......no I may not have a husband but I have lots and lots and lots of love! Today I want you all the consider the true meaning of this holiday and see where you can love more in your life, give it as it's the greatest gift.....until you learn to give and receive love you will always feel empty inside, nothing you can buy and put under a tree can ever fill that void. A quote by   Roy L. Smith a friend posted last night sums it all up: 'He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.' With Love and in The Light, Cassie   Merry Christmas!!!!! The reason so much of humanity commemorates this day is that so much of humanity seeks to give and receive love. During this holy time, know that all times are holy, that every religion holds truth, that each tradition is sacred, and that it is in the simple sharing of love that we make our beliefs come alive, and our dreams come true. Let this Christmas Day remind us that Christ came to invite us to offer love to all humankind, and to open the door of God's kingdom to every soul. Merry Christmas, everyone. ~Neal Donald Walsh~ Harry Belafonte - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-O-ENqlJiI