12-31-10 Should Old Aquantience Be Forgot?
Well it's almost the end of 2010, what a year it has been for me too! A year of transformation and growth, a year of endings and preparations for new beginnings, I have had a lot of heartache and pain this year with this love affair, this move. and with my sons, the severing of my friendship with Victor and the failing of our business.. but it's all "growing" pains and things that I needed to deal with. I have much to look forward to in the New Year...my house sold, I am collaborating and growing CassiesCalendar and working on making some money, I have a few replies on men on PlentyofFish, new friends and I did an amazing amount of personal growth last year and I can only reap benefits from all that! There will be some people who will be going with me into my new year and my new life and some who will not......and like the quote says: Don't regret those whom you left behind, there is a reason they didn't make it to your future....
So Sunday after Christmas I woke up to reports of a huge snowstorm coming our way....I didn't much panic just headed over to the store for some supplies and back home to keep warm and chat with friends on the phone and the computer. I had my work lap top and knew I could get everything done the next day from here that needed to be done. My only real concern was how I would afford to get my driveway plowed as it costs about $100 and up! So I prayed dear God please send me a friend to plow me for free or for $20 as that's all that I can afford... He answered me but not the way I expected...the next day Jeremy got up and I went out to clean my car and the end of the drive way and see what needed to be done. He reported back that we had gotten under 6 inches and he backed the car up and down the driveway a few times to prove it to me. I was happy, and later in the day shocked to hear that other parts of the state had gotten up to 2 feet and more! I texted Randy and asked was he playing in the snow..I got no reply.
Monday my realtor called and said we needed to make an appointment to see Tony and sign the buyers contract that was ready for my house sell to the township, she wanted to meet early in the day but I knew I needed to get into work and do some field samples at the office so we set the appointment to 2pm....Tony said that due to a few more legalities related to the public money he didn't see the closing being till end of Feb instead of end of Jan so I had a little less panic on finding a new home--but I must say the heart was beating fast and the chest was tightening up as I signed the papers to sell my home of 20+ years having nowhere to go to...but its done and now its just the red tape of it all. I really wish the grey house had let me rent so I had something to focus on during this long wait but I must trust the universe and this process.
Tuesday evening I had a doctor appointment for Jeremy so he could discuss getting some meds for depression.. what a fignt that turned into because his friend who tried to get him to do some illegal stuff with called and I had told that kid he was not to contact my son or come on my property. In the end though I won that battle. I take zero pleasure having to control my 20 year olds friends and life but he has proven to me he can't make good decisions and he wants to live with me so he must do as I say. I did come up with and idea though and Mary is going to take him to social services and see if we can get him on track with some housing, enrolled in school, etc. Time to re-do what I been trying to do and keep trying new things till it works. He's my son and my responsibility until I train him to be responsible for himself, that job is not quite done yet....but I vow to finish it!
I went home that night and wrote to Randy and asked him to come up for a 'visit" the stress of all this was just too much and I needed some companionship, I got the reply the next day that he had written at 10:30 sure I will come tomorrow night....I reflected on how my card that day had been soul mate and shook my head and ordered a tarot reading before he arrived Wed night...he said what they all say--that he and I are destined to be together, we are soul mates, twins but he is not healed enough yet to be the man he needs to be and he is not wanting to make any changes. He predicted much pain and turmoil for me in regards to the woman who lives with him now. So braced with all that knowledge when he walked in the door I didn't feel like rushing over to him and he didn't come over and hug me either--finally we did but the night together just wasn't what it could be for me, not as satisfying. I asked if he had found my purple lights, the ones he got me for Christmas one year and he packed with his stuff and ended up having to listen to a long drawn out tale of her getting on his case over them, how she stalks his computer, accuses him of going to see me, somehow she got your name he said maybe my sister told her... your sisters love me why would they do that? To cause me trouble he said. Honestly I am so sick of this story.....
The next day I reflected on the whole thing, the destiny part of he and I, his stubbornness and immaturity. When the reader told me about her being angry at me and to beware of the bad karma it would bring me I said but he says she don't love him...No she does not love him but its like an old doormat, its old its ugly you don't care about it but if someone stole it you'd be upset because at least it was there for you to wipe your feet on. So Randy would rather be her doormat than my boyfriend because she gives him TONS of freedom to play and ride and be with the guys--he loves me he cares about me but only when its easy for him and not in the way of what he wants to do. Its all he knows and all he wants to know. So I texted him and said I am not going to contact you unless I get desperate so she don't fight with you. OK he said. Maybe never I then added, cuz i cant be with someone for fun only and not be in their life at all... You'll be happy he sent back. Yep I sure will I sent back goodbye. I sat there and cried then I called Mary. She said he doesn't think you mean it, he knows you always go back to him. Well the signs are there I said, yes he and you belong together but he's being selfish, he wants to play. I need more its time to do the work of forgetting him and moving forward to find a husband who wants to share his life with me and have a balance that is more healthy between work friends play relationship...
Thursday night we got some events posted, made plans for some more, and had a very successful game night. I also got the tickets from AnnMarie for the 70s rock concert and started passing them out. I posted ads and am getting new members. Looks like this is going to be more of me being the big social organizer , 10 years of it and its not done yet..well now I am going to start making a bit of money with what I do. I have bills to pay and times aren't easy right now.... But its fun and people out there some of them really do love and care about me. I may not have a husband but I have 5,000 friends! LOL One of them sent me an e-mail forward, was cute basically it said I am re-newing your contract as my friend for 2011 so don't screw it up! Hahaha it was cute though so I went and sent it to some of my friends, and there were some that as I hovered over the check box in the address bar I decided no and left it blank. And then I went through my contacts in my e-mail and on my phone and I deleted a few of them....I want a clean future and only those who have proven to be trustworthy and loyal good friends do I want to take with me. No reason to have any big speeches or such, just drift apart ever so peacefully.....
So the question for you as we approach this New Year's eve, this wonderful new begining of opportunity and possibility is this......Should any of your old acquaintances be forgot? Is there anyone in your life who's been less than a GOOD friend? If so let them go....don't keep hoping that they are going to change and wasting precious moments of your life with anyone or anything that is less than satisfying. The people who are meant to be in your life trust me they will come back, and when they do, if they have changed you can consider another try but ONLY if changes have been made. Same goes with less than satisfying circumstances in your life, don't like your job, your neighborhood, your body, that ratty old couch that hurts your back? Let these things go and do the work to make the changes you want to see....what you have may be old and comfortable and familiar but if you aren't satisfied, if what you have doesn't bring you joy you are fool to keep clinging to it, just like I am a fool to keep clinging to people who make me sad.........no more!
Happy New Year to everyone! 1-1-11 is a very very special day for us all---------the possibilities are endless......
With Love and In the Light, Cassie
Auld Lang Syne - "Happy New Year" :)
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