| 12-1-10 Spinning Out of Control Happy Hanukka! Well tonight I was supposed to go to my first ever Hanukka celebration but my life and emotions had spun so out of control this week that there was just no freaking way I was going to be able to go. I needed emergency help and my good friend Pat who is a wonderful energy worker, this is her website: http://www.patchapmanllc.com/ , offered to let me come over for a free treatment and oh my god it saved me from spinning wildly out of control, she's amazing and got be right back into balance. But here's what happend.... Monday after I posted my blog I sent out a message to the spiritual friends whom I have worked with, the reiki masters, the shamans, the readers, friends whom I have gone to ceremonies with and asked them all to send me light and love and they responded and many of them told me they have been going through some incredibly difficult times, one even was also arrested! I started to feel better and better and made plans for my day for tuesday and how to go about handling business. First order of business was see if the money had gotten electronically transferred to my bank from the 401K loan I had taken out and call in and pay my mortgage since it was the last day of the month and if I didn't pay before midnight I would get a 30 days past due note and mess up my credit.... The money was not there! I frantically called my savings place and they counted, yup plenty of time it should be there, well we figured out that in my haste and anxiety I had given the wrong bank numbers. The only thing was to cancel it and they'd have to mail me a check and thats going to take several days! I didnt have enough money to pay the mortgage if I wanted to put money down on one of the apartments I was going to look at in Keyport that afternoon....so I franctically called my bank, after many tears and talking to several people I realized that they were just plain cold and heartless! They refused to even wait three more days for the money and not report me, I swore then and there to never get a mortgage with Chase bank again, cold and heartless that's what they are...then again they probably aren't any worse than the rest of them but still I am not ever chosing them again! I decied to go take care of court business... I went over to the court to file the tresspassing charges on the girl, oh you're Jeremy's mom arent you the clerk said and went on about how much she loves my son and seeing him when he comes in to pay his fines, tough love she said do the tough love..ya ya ya every police officer, court clerk, judge, prosecuter, social worker, probation officer in town knows and loves my son. How in the world can he feel so depressed and unloved when EVERYone who ever meets him loves him?.....kinda reminds me of girl i used to know about 30 yrs ago, humm...... Anyway after that I went to file the eviction and after going back from sheriff to civil to family divisions the consensus was that I can not evict my son, all I can do is tell him to leave and file trespassing if he comes back. He should be able to get housing help from social services though... I glanced at the art work on the wall, a small boy overlooking a body of water all alone the title PRIORITIES....message was clear, if I want to live near the water I have to handle my prioroties first....so I called him before heading to Keyport and he said he went there and they said no since he has a job and had been living here... In Keypot of the three we looked at only one was acceptable and it wasnt such a hot choice but I could deal if I had to. We talked just a bit more about the gray house and he said bottom line that man wants an offer in place for my house first, not a closing but at least an offer. Mike my realtor gently said I know how badly you want to move, and I know you are all packed but maybe you better just wait a bit, and I recognized he was right....driving back up towards home I was noticing the traffic, and it was only 4pm (I of coruse had stopped and got my shrimp sandwich and sat by the bay to eat a late lunch before heading home), it was heavy and I started to think why am I moving so far from work..... Then my friend Mike called and wanted to meet for dinner so we did, he's a business man and a father of teenagers and I knew he was a good one to be seeing. He advised me on the tough love thing, but he also didnt nag me when my son's friend called to tell me Jeremy had been sleeping in a dumpster the last two nights and I relented and said tell him to go home and sleep tonight (it was raining too boot). Mike also said for me to stay in the house till I find a tennant or the house sells and it takes two days to get an apartment I don't have to rush and paying another month on my pack rat is cheaper than rent. He's a good friend, we fight like cats and dogs sometimes because he's Italian and I think I am (was married to one so he says I am by injection) lol But we get things out we say whats on our mind and we hug and make up when it's all said and done. We respect each other because we are always honest and real with one another. He got lots of laughs when I told him the developments of a guy I had liked in the spring that he warned me about and I had to say yes yes you told me so and he could gloat a bit. I talked to him about Randy some, not all of it but some things and it got me missing him and I texted him to say ya know I do need some pokey.....his reply was fast but stunk: soon... That night I went to sleep all wound up , worried, frustrated concerned, fearfull and no one there to ground me and hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok....I had asked Randy to come to me in dreams at least he said he would but it didnt work, if he was there I didnt know it so I woke up in a frenzy of anxiety.......went to work had a ton of red flag e-mails because I had missed a day of work , then I tried calling helplines trying to get housing and help for my son and they just tell me let him sleep in a dumpster and go to al-anon! His drinking isnt my problem his refusal to grow up is my problem! A co-worker told me to go see the on site counselor so I did and he was very helpful----told me a story of how eagles build nests for their young...long story remind me to tell you another day...but he said its OK for my peace of mind to let him sleep at home, we set up conditions for me to put down, he said its OK to make him call the help line himeself and he told me there are support groups for tough love parents. Thats what I need! He also told me he is a level 2 Reiki practitioner and is going to try and bring reiki to our company....I bet I can help with that project! I went back to work, tossed up a quick personal ad and finsihed my work and headed out for the day... So I went to see Pat, and I told her that she needs to contact him and see if she can get in there. She's retired from the corporate world and thusly understands.... but anyway the treatment was nice the energy so powerful, I could even hear my guides speak to me directly! One of them told me I was going to be much thinner soon.. LOL She also did a crystal card reading on me and got that I have much much power to create now but my life and emotions are in a storm, I need to relax, calm down and focus......quit worrying and fretting and relax a bit and allow the universe to orchastrate the changes in my life.........sigh........whew, I really was spinning out of control there! I totally lost the gentle turn turn turn and tried to speed things up I didnt care where I landed I just want to land already! But no slow back down........paitence.. Driving home a song came on the radio, I know it was for me from my guides.......the line: Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed..So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road....and I realized there's IS a reason why I lost the house on Sunset, the Yellow house the Gray house, they guy I liked last spring, Randy.....there's much better doors going to be opening up for me soon.....and when it's time I will know......i will make it and boy once I do I am going to light the world everywhere I go! Today I want you all to realize your worth, no matter what storm you are facing in your life, what hurricanes, what turmoils, what strife.....you will come to that door too, that right door that will open up to your rainbow.........its inside you......show the world what you are worth! With Love and in the Light, Cassie Katy Perry - Firework Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Drifting through the wind Wanting to start again Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from caving in Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under scream But no one seems to hear a thing Do you know that there's still a chance for you Cause there's a spark in you You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow And when it's time, you'll know You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on slet your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on slet your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!" Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon |
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