12-20-10 Waiting for the New Light
Tommorow is the full moon, solstice and total lunar eclipse! A time of tremendous energy and change is coming! Are you ready for the new sun? I know I am so ready for a new dawn in my life.
Saturday morning didn't go so well for me but perhaps it was some painful things that will lead to healing later on. First thing was Jeremy was awake and had been up all night. He had taken several of the St John's Wort I had gotten him for depression, went to WaWa ran into a guy who can give him some cash work and also was told he may be getting called back to his old job also. He was happy and flet better and we talked about him wanting to take a vacation to visit a friend in Florida, this scares me because I know the friend is bad news, but at the same time he's 20 and hasn't been on a vaction in a long time, he's too young to be a slave to his job... But the next morning he was all cranky and upset that he hadn't been able to sleep and he expressef fears of stroke or seizure if I make him go back on anti-depressants. So I contacted Pat and asked her to do a Reiki session on him. He doesnt want to go but it's going to be that or medication if he's staying living with me! I know what it's done for me, and I have full faith that if he will try this with an open heart he won't need medication either....
Next I was commenting on my older boys Facebook posting, he's discussing getting out of the Air Force in a couple of years and places he may go to live. My Dad piped in and said there was a nice VA hospital if he moved to Ohio, and I commented back if he came to Keyport with me there are two dozen hospitals and clinics in a 25 mile radius why would he want to go to Ohio and drive 2 hrs to get to a hospital like my Dad does. This led to Dustin saying he wanted to go where HE wanted to go and I was only wanting him here to be selfish. My reply that was oh so I am selfish for wanting to be a family and have my son and his future wife and kids near me and what kind of church does he go to that teaches him to ostrascise his own family and only cults do that. He could keep praying I see HIS light I will keep praying he sees THE light of the loving God that I know who teaches us to love our family instead of reject them. Yeah my pain caused a reaction, then again I spoke from my heart and I hope my words stay with him. This is the problem I have with the faith of my family, they choose again and again to NOT love that which doesnt sit 100% with what they believe, there's no room for others. It sadenns me and I am sure it saddens the God who created us ALL.
Then I got to thinking about Randy and his snowmobile trip, I always worry about him as he drives like a crazy man and more than one psycic has seen him wrapped around a tree or lost along the trail. So I broke down and I texted him to be sure to pack the handwarmers I got him and put them on his heart if he gets stranded. He texted back that he'd be thinking of me and my reply was: Best be thinking of staying safe , I am fine am going to a huge singles party in NYC I will be doing what I love too. Thought that would shut him up but he replied to save him some pee-pee (his word for sex, I told you he's 12) LOL My reply was LOL too cold for Sandy Hook now, IF I am still single next summer MAYBE we can then... No reply, good. He made his choice, instead of taking me into his life and working something out for all of us to be happy he choose to keep me out and stay with that other woman so he'd have kids to play with. There will be no more chances for that now....but none of our choices are wrong, they only lead to different paths that's all. I am confident that the new path God will bring me will lead to a man who would never give me up like that, who would be there to take care of me and have a proper balance to the relatioship between play time and responsibility. My hurt and sadness over him has run it's course time for new love....
Saturday night I headed into the city with Deborah and Dave for a meetup with The Brainiac's dating site. We had a blast let me tell you, I just adore NYC! We were a bit timid of all the brainy people upstairs so we stayed downstairs and made a few friends down there, people kept coming down and hanging with us though. Deb hit it off with the wild gal and I hit it off with the quiet one and we were very amused to sit there and laugh at them and thier antics. Marla was the one that I talked to and she told me how she is "gifted" and can see things before they happen and I told her of my Reiki practice and gave her a SpiritStone charged with the intention that she requested, a relationship, I cautioned her that the stone would not bring the person but it would begin the healing process in her to get her ready so she attracts the person. She understood and when she held it in her hand she started beaming from ear to ear and told me she can feel the power and how amazing it was! I was happy and when she invited Deborah and I to her house in Brooklyn for a New Years Day party I told her perhaps we can come. Deb was all happy on the drive home texting with her new gal pal too.
Sunday I had intended to take Jeremy to church with me as part of his care plan to self improvement but he got up and left at 8am....I was very distraught when I saw who he left with and I knew where he was heading, off to buy "supplies" to sell. Needless to say we had quite the heart to heart talk when he got home. I told him that he can't hang with that friend anymore if he wants to live with me. I said this boy had everything you always felt sorry for yourself for not having, he had a mother and a father and a regular family, family dinners, home baked cookies all of that and look he is such a winy slefish baby. He listened to me but said I get lonely I need friends and I said of course you do but you gotta make new ones and you gotta choose better this time.
I talked to Melissa my other Reiki master friend and was going to go meet her for a Soltice drum circle but I ended up not going, this one had a fee and I really couldnt afford it. I did instead what I love to do on winter afternoons and that was take a nap...before laying down I prayed about weather I should rent an apartment instead of trying to buy another house right now. That seems to be the consesus from everyone on what I should do, but I get anxiety attacks everytime I look at apartments, I know the reason is I fear moving into one will be me giving up, but also its so claustrophoic too. So I prayed and said Ok God if that's what you want for me I will do it, in the New Year I will look........ but I woke up from my name with the address of the grey house in my mind, and this morning I woke up with a voice inside me saying I will get the grey house for you.... Perhaps its not gone yet...
Tommorow is a very powerful day, I even was compelled to write to Randy and tell him it was time to ask for an upgrade for his job, he never sent me the pictures of the snow from Vermont that he had promised me, my little voice said he didnt go.....so I wrote and told him he can ask for an upgrade to full time at UPS now and no more weekends fixing cars..he deserves a good M-F day job so he can be home with the wife and kids I told him....but he has to ask...you won't get what you don't ask for . You also won't get what you ask for and then worry about.......I was on the verge of getting the grey house but I worried at the last minute can I afford it, are the extra bedrooms big enough so I can rent them if need be? What if the area floods? Yup too much worrying....
Tommorow 12-21-10 is a full moon, on soltice and a total lunar eclipse! I am taking Jeremy to see my Reiki master tonight and tommorow night I plan on going to the full moon fire ceremony with my Shaman, I want to again let go of this house and this life and welcome in the new one that is coming. Please be sure to set your intentions wisely, think about and ask for what you want in your life in the coming year, and always remember to say to God to do all things according to the highest good for all involved. The new sun and its new light is coming soon....when it shines on you what is going to show up in your new life cycle?? Ask well............
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Yule - The Winter Solstice | 
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