11-20-10 Waiting for my World to Change

11-20-10      Waiting for  my World to Change Well it's the weekend and I was sitting here waiting to see if the guy with the gray house is going to approve this offer for me to rent his house and then to buy it when mine sells. He is a lawyer and has left no stone un-turned in checking out my credit rating, my employment, the townships progress, made me sign a buyers contract up front, made me agree to full asking price. All this got submitted on Wed and I thought he'd get back to me so as to not keep me living in a state of suspended animation. But I said I needed to know end of business on Friday and well it's Saturday morning now and I need to go look at apartments , my back up plan. It's totally not what I want but sometimes you have to sit back and let God steer you when he thinks is the best place for you. I had a very odd experience on Thursday late morning just before lunch time. I started feeling a little bit of an anxiety attack. I knew it was not my own that I was feeling, I was OK, my cards that morning had been about waiting, a man who was methodical and unconcerned with the feelings of others and well I just knew I was not going to hear about the house that day...the owner is a lawyer after all and in my book they are the single most pains in the behind on the planet, life would have been so much better had we not invented lawyers, all they do is complicate things, make things more expensive, more difficult harder to handle and the main thing is they take away ALL possibilities of trust and faith in your fellow man. The only lawyer I like is my own here in town, he's defended my son on a few occasions (only because the law REQUIRED us to have one) and he's been fair and descent on payment and he took the time to talk to my son like a dad would, a smart dad who knows what they can do to a kid.... but I digress back to the anxiety attack... So I am feeling this for nearly an hour and a half and just sending back love and light because I feel its an empathic episode. I do sometimes get them , I feel the feelings of others I am close to, and I knew there was only one person right now that I love enough to feel some of his pain for.....but just to be sure, since I don't fully trust myself yet I texted Mary and asked her....she replied Randy....I knew it! But why I texted, something about Thanksgiving, she is upsetting him over Thanksgiving she said......Oh i hope it's not my fault I texted. Don't know but that's what it is she replied. I sat there and prayed for him most of the day and night and felt so badly for him. I recalled what my guides had said that if they break up it will hurt them both for a short time but they will both be happier later...still I didn't want to be the cause of it and prayed for that message I sent to not be the cause of it....still you can't unring a bell.. Friday night my new silent business partner cooked dinner for me and my webmaster and we met to discuss plans for the new revamping of cassiescalendar.com, the new name, the new design and how we are going to take what I have built to the next level and start making some money on it. I recalled how I was told by several readers this year that my business was going to make money, all along I thought it would be Inspiristones, but as I said right now I am being led down a different path....and that's ok. I also talked to her about my "anxiety attack" and she said probably was right (she has spiritual gifts too) but that it was in NO way my fault, she said I already yelled at you for sending that message to the kid and you took the necessary steps to hide it and make it right, I also told her about telling him I made a mistake and sent to the wrong person and how I deleted my whole Myspace profile. She said listen HE came and did this HE cheated on her and SHE doesn't care about him and is just using him for a home to live in anyway, the most logical thing is that she probably is NOT taking him to Thanksgiving with her family because they really aren't a couple they are roommates. Don't you DARE contact him, let him sit in his misery and decide if he wants to make some real changes in his life or not....3 years ago you left him and he chose to stay the same and get them in his life so he wouldn't have to grow up and be responsible to a relationship, who knows if he learned anything from this but YOU need to take care of you. Ok ok ok I said I wont do anything, and I will stick to my he can't see me while he's still with her...but if he textes me on Thanksgiving I am going to answer him, holidays mean a lot to him (and to me)..fine she says but that it or I am going to smack you!  LOL  Yep sometimes shes a tough one, but she loves me and wants to see me happy...Todd agreed with her and I asked him where can I find another like you? You cook, you do home improvements for the woman you live with, pick her son up from soccer basically you are a husband, he said its because he really likes being a husband......and then I thought the Randy I know doesn't he likes being a 12 yr old out riding and playing...but then there's no one to come home to......*sigh*..... We also talked about my new home situation and how sad I was that 5pm had passed and I got no word about the gray house, now I freaking have to go get that apartment close to work I said I so don't want to do that I want to live in Keyport! So she nags me on that and tells me I have to quit being so fixated on things and to just learn to hoist my sail and see where the wind blows me when it comes. She said to do the soft sell too, lay all my cards down and say you let me know and then walk away. She said it the same with business as with men, if you walk and they don't come looking for you then they don't want you bad enough. Accept what is and be painent for what comes so I vowed to do that.  Driving home I got a text from my realtor, wanting even MORE information for that crazy lawyer who owns the grey house I want to rent then buy. I replied that it was on the letter from the township and then I said I am tired of this, I gave you all I agreed to everything I can, I got no more  to give. I am starting to worry he's going to screw me over somehow with all this and I don't see how he can get a C of O by the first now anyway with all this waiting. He did his best to re-assure me and I said well at noon I am going to go visit that apartment complex and pick up an application (the rental agent had been out and failed to mail me one and it wouldn't print at work or I would have had that ready already). Let me touch base with them in the morning he said and I said Ok, let me know... Now here I sit with my Pack Rat full and ready, my sails up and waiting for the wind to start blowing so I know what direction I am going. I know what direction I WANT to go, where my heart is..but I must trust God to blow me in the direction that HE thinks is best...its the only way. The key that will unlock the gate for my path today is patience and trust and acceptance. He always takes me down to my last dime, my last nerve, my last hope...but for this I am learning to be grateful because the more your faith is tested the stronger it becomes...after all this I can wait for and believe in anything I think! LOL Today are you waiting patiently with your sails ready? Your lantern full of oil? Your work all done and your tools put away neatly? Are you keeping yourself free of anxiety as you wait in JOYful hope??   This is what we are called to do......just keep on waiting for your world to change, you have done your work now see where the wind blows.........God loves you and wants only the best for you... time for faith to take over.... With Love and in the Light, Cassie John Mayer - Waiting On The World To Change http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBIxScJ5rlY