'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Til by turning, turning we come round right.
Shaker Song: Simple Gifts, written by Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett, Jr. in 1848.
Hafizullah Chisti, Turning ♥
11-22-10 Turning Round Right
Sunday morning the above song was posted on Facebook along with the photo of my friend doing The Turn and boy do I feel like I am spinning! I knew the song though from when I was a teenager and my parents took me to Shaker Church sometimes, I wont tell you the song my cousin Brad and I sang in the car going home LOL. But as you can see I can spin wildly out of control or I can spin peacefully, much like a cat will do before it settles down for a much needed nap...and a long nap I shall have once I find my comfortable place to sleep in! But I have to find it for myself .....and despite all that's going on with my house situation I managed to have a peaceful and relaxing weekend. Even though it started out very badly it ended nicely...
Saturday morning I was getting ready to go look at an apartment in Bridgewater and I was waiting to hear back from my realtor on the little gray house....he did call and he said they still were not done going over all the paper work...UGH! Well I said I was going to look at apartments in Bridgewater but I would wait to fax in the rental application on Monday he has to decide Monday I said! I then prepared to go look at the apartments, but I noticed how I kept stalling, finding things to do, reasons to not head over....I stalled as long as I could and still ended up being only 15 min. late. I tell you though I went into an anxiety attack of my own waiting there, till some nice guy who lived there came in and talked to me and said how nice it is to live there, so I looked at a couple of them and tried to talk myself into it and picked up the paper work.........but driving home I burst into tears and sobbed all the way home! I so do not want to live there for many many reasons and I called Deborah and cried to her and she comforted me.
Saturday night I was supposed to go dancing with friends in my Fun and Friendly Singles group, but I begged off and felt bad about it as she is trying to raise money to pay her meetup fees, last year I did a fund raiser BBQ for her but this year I only had one BBQ and I had to raise the money for my other friends A Group Of Friends meetup first as that's my main one I use to post my events when I do them. I felt really bad about not going and helping her but we talked Sunday and I shared a contact with her so we can do a dinner together and both make some money. God has always given me this gift of bringing people together and throwing big parties and my name is know by many in this area, but I have never been the type to call and speak to establishments and set things up. I am just not a phone person, and I don't have any desire to be a phone person....I have other talents. I think God made me this way on purpose so that I would work with others, I am such a deep thinker that I tend to isolate and that's not good for the soul in all cases. He also likes us to work together on things....
But anyway on Saturday I went with Mary to see the new Harry Potter movie, it was good but I must say that I do miss the earlier ones that weren't so dark and scary..... After the movie we went and split an appetizer (both of us are near broke right now) and talked about a few things and also Randy, he seems to always come up when we meet even though right now I do not want to think about him. She again said she thinks that my anxiety attack was me feeling his and he is not spending thankgiving with his "family". I told her I have no idea but he has not contacted me at all and I am not going to contact him, if he wanted me he'd contact me and he knows he can't have sex with me as long as we have to be a secret so he won't bother with me... She said I still think you will end up with him and I think he will help you buy a house, he was going to get you that trailer remember? I reminded her than he never bought me dinner even once, or even a birthday card why would he buy me, or help me, buy a house? But this would make up for all that would it not? Well I imagine so I said but still I haven't heard a word from him, his actions show me he does not care. The universe wants you together though she said........ I dare say I believe her but I know the stubbornness of that man, I am not holding my breath and all of this is speculation after all....worthless really. She still insisted on texting him to see if he had Thanksgiving plans, I told her do what she wants but I don't want to be involved....
Sunday morning I woke up and had NOTHING to do with my day and I always used to hate that, but when you are broke you cant really make many plans. I had offered to go rake leaves for Dave so he'd come help me put up shelves and such when I move but he ended up snottily declining saying his spiritual advisor advised against it. He's still mad at me for not going to church every Sunday I guess.....*sigh*.....anyway I got an e-mail from Melissa my new Reiki master, in it she mentioned having an anxiety attack (not her own) also on Thursday, which got me to thinking I could be totally off base and that was a global thing I felt and not at all to do with Randy. I posted it to my Inspiristone Facebook and found out at least one other person had the same thing, and when Mary texted me later to say Randy replied to her that he was spending Thanksgiving with the family I was relieved for him and glad we were off base even though if we had been right it might have led to him being with me. I love that man and I want for him what he wants for himself even if its not me, he doesnt understand this but that's ok.
So I had spent a lot of my time this weekend watching the family videos that I got converted, It was nice to see my sons little, the house when we first moved in it, Gus when we were newlyweds and his drinking hadn't gotten too out of control yet...I thanked the house for being my home, I thanked Gus for being a better father and husband than I recalled (the awful dark times at the end were my strongest memories) I also learned a few things from these videos. First thing was from a conversation with my friend and I was saying how Gus complains I am always off doing my own thing and I don't spend enough time with him.......wow this is why God chose Randy for me! I don't like a man in my face too much! Secondly watching Dustin video Jeremy's 5th birthday party, here is Dustin worrying and fussing over all the kids like an old man, and Jeremy running around like a wild thing, then Dustin says to him say a curse word like butt or damn and he grins so sweet and cute and innocent and says......the F word! and you can see the mischief in his eyes the little bugger! No I need not worry I made some mistake in raising that one, he was bad to the bone from birth! LOL no he's going to get in trouble all on his own but his sweet smile and ornery but good heart he will be just fine...
Later on Sunday my phone died and I was informed by Verizon that it was a year past warranty.......I ended up getting some fancy new phone, I am going to burn in credit card hell I am sure, but it was a buy one get one free and Jeremy actually hugged me when I gave it to him (he woke up at 4pm yelling cuz his old one wasn't working and I handed him the bag) LOL I also needed a camera as mine had died and this one not only has a camera I can instantly put them in the internet, and it has some sort of feature that I can get internet access on my lap top from it also and with the 25% JnJ discount and the fact I can really enhance my CassiesCalendar business it was a good move....now if I can just figure out how to work it. I had picked up Troy, my adopted son, and he spent sometime with me and we even completed my "Red" photo group assignment....
RJ came over, helped me with the photos and we talked about my housing and financial situations. He is a very successful business man so I like to talk to him........as a result that advice, and sleeping on it and praying about it I called my benefits manager and am taking out at 10k loan on my 401K. This way I can pay my mortgage for November, just in the nick of time and preserve my good credit rating, and I can see about buying this house now for the 200K and carry a second mortgage for a bit IF that's the way the owner of the gray house wants to go. I have options, I am not backed into a corner, I still got a little wiggle room to play with..........turn turn turn Please lord don't let me spin out of control..... My angel card today was New Love, guess Mary is wrong about Randy once again, she sure gives him way more credit than anyone else........its ok though I don't need him or anyone else to save me. As my friend posted to Facebook today: Fairy tales teach us that if we're"good" enough, then our knight in shining armor will come rescue us from our loneliness, from our sorrow.Some people wait their entire lives for that one special person to "save" them.The truth is that no one can save you..but you.How empowering to realize that YOU hold the key to your happiness,the cure to your loneliness.Your knight in shining armor is.YOU.saddle up! ~Just breath ~Wendy Conover~
This morning at work the talk was of a 37 yr old man, father of 3 girls who ran into traffic and was killed on Friday, all because he is un-employed and worried about money--how sad that he values money more than life, I am sure his family would rather have him....PLEASE people trust in God to supply your needs, he will! Do the work and then trust! ....today when you feel like your life is spinning out of control just breathe! And remember to keep turning turning turning till you come round right.......then we will find ourselves in the place God has for us, the place of love and delight.....
With Love and in the Light, Cassie
PS. It's almost Thanksgiving.......be greatful for the simple gifts of your life, family, friends, the ability to breath in and breath out another day..... if you are on Facebook you can see my friend turning here: | 
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