12-31-10 Should Old Aquantience Be Forgot?

12-31-10    Should Old Aquantience Be Forgot?

Well it's almost the end of 2010, what a year it has been for me too! A year of transformation and growth, a year of endings and preparations for new beginnings, I have had a lot of heartache and pain this year with this love affair, this move. and with my sons, the severing of my friendship with Victor and the failing of our business.. but it's all "growing" pains and things that I needed to deal with. I have much to look forward to in the New Year...my house sold, I am collaborating and growing CassiesCalendar and working on making some money, I have a few replies on men on PlentyofFish, new friends and I did an amazing amount of personal growth last year and I can only reap benefits from all that! There will be some people who will be going with me into my new year and my new life and some who will not......and like the quote says: Don't regret those whom you left behind, there is a reason they didn't make it to your future....

So Sunday after Christmas I woke up to reports of a huge snowstorm coming our way....I didn't much panic just headed over to the store for some supplies and back home to keep warm and chat with friends on the phone and the computer. I had my work lap top and knew I could get everything done the next day from here that needed to be done. My only real concern was how I would afford to get my driveway plowed as it costs about $100 and up! So I prayed dear God please send me a friend to plow me for free or for $20 as that's all that I can afford... He answered me but not the way I expected...the next day Jeremy got up and I went out to clean my car and the end of the drive way and see what needed to be done. He reported back that we had gotten under 6 inches and he backed the car up and down the driveway a few times to prove it to me. I was happy, and later in the day shocked to hear that other parts of the state had gotten up to 2 feet and more! I texted Randy and asked was he playing in the snow..I got no reply.

Monday my realtor called and said we needed to make an appointment to see Tony and sign the buyers contract that was ready for my house sell to the township, she wanted to meet early in the day but I knew I needed to get into work and do some field samples at the office so we set the appointment to 2pm....Tony said that due to a few more legalities related to the public money he didn't see the closing being till end of Feb instead of end of Jan so I had a little less panic on finding a new home--but I must say the heart was beating fast and the chest was tightening up as I signed the papers to sell my home of 20+ years having nowhere to go to...but its done and now its just the red tape of it all. I really wish the grey house had let me rent so I had something to focus on during this long wait but I must trust the universe and this process.

Tuesday evening I had a doctor appointment for Jeremy so he could discuss getting some meds for depression.. what a fignt that turned into because his friend who tried to get him to do some illegal stuff with called and I had told that kid he was not to contact my son or come on my property. In the end though I won that battle. I take zero pleasure having to control my 20 year olds friends and life but he has proven to me he can't make good decisions and he wants to live with me so he must do as I say. I did come up with and idea though and Mary is going to take him to social services and see if we can get him on track with some housing, enrolled in school, etc. Time to re-do what I been trying to do and keep trying new things till it works. He's my son and my responsibility until I train him to be responsible for himself, that job is not quite done yet....but I vow to finish it!

I went home that night and wrote to Randy and asked him to come up for a 'visit" the stress of all this was just too much and I needed some companionship, I got the reply the next day that he had written at 10:30 sure I will come tomorrow night....I reflected on how my card that day had been soul mate and shook my head and ordered a tarot reading before he arrived Wed night...he said what they all say--that he and I are destined to be together, we are soul mates, twins but he is not healed enough yet to be the man he needs to be and he is not wanting to make any changes. He predicted much pain and turmoil for me in regards to the woman who lives with him now. So braced with all that knowledge when he walked in the door I didn't feel like rushing over to him and he didn't come over and hug me either--finally we did but the night together just wasn't what it could be for me, not as satisfying. I asked if he had found my purple lights, the ones he got me for Christmas one year and he packed with his stuff and ended up having to listen to a long drawn out tale of her getting on his case over them, how she stalks his computer, accuses him of going to see me, somehow she got your name he said maybe my sister told her... your sisters love me why would they do that? To cause me trouble he said. Honestly I am so sick of this story.....

The next day I reflected on the whole thing, the destiny part of he and I, his stubbornness and immaturity. When the reader told me about her being angry at me and to beware of the bad karma it would bring me I said but he says she don't love him...No she does not love him but its like an old doormat, its old its ugly you don't care about it but if someone stole it you'd be upset because at least it was there for you to wipe your feet on. So Randy would rather be her doormat than my boyfriend because she gives him TONS of freedom to play and ride and be with the guys--he loves me he cares about me but only when its easy for him and not in the way of what he wants to do. Its all he knows and all he wants to know. So I texted him and said I am not going to contact you unless I get desperate so she don't fight with you. OK he said. Maybe never I then added, cuz i cant be with someone for fun only and not be in their life at all... You'll be happy he sent back. Yep I sure will I sent back goodbye. I sat there and cried then I called Mary. She said he doesn't think you mean it, he knows you always go back to him. Well the signs are there I said, yes he and you belong together but he's being selfish, he wants to play. I need more its time to do the work of forgetting him and moving forward to find a husband who wants to share his life with me and have a balance that is more healthy between work friends play relationship...

Thursday night we got some events posted, made plans for some more, and had a very successful game night. I also got the tickets from AnnMarie for the 70s rock concert and started passing them out. I posted ads and am getting new members. Looks like this is going to be more of me being the big social organizer , 10 years of it and its not done yet..well now I am going to start making a bit of money with what I do. I have bills to pay and times aren't easy right now.... But its fun and people out there some of them really do love and care about me. I may not have a husband but I have 5,000 friends! LOL One of them sent me an e-mail forward, was cute basically it said I am re-newing your contract as my friend for 2011 so don't screw it up! Hahaha it was cute though so I went and sent it to some of my friends, and there were some that as I hovered over the check box in the address bar I decided no and left it blank. And then I went through my contacts in my e-mail and on my phone and I deleted a few of them....I want a clean future and only those who have proven to be trustworthy and loyal good friends do I want to take with me. No reason to have any big speeches or such, just drift apart ever so peacefully.....

So the question for you as we approach this New Year's eve, this wonderful new begining of opportunity and possibility is this......Should any of your old acquaintances be forgot? Is there anyone in your life who's been less than a GOOD friend? If so let them go....don't keep hoping that they are going to change and wasting precious moments of your life with anyone or anything that is less than satisfying. The people who are meant to be in your life trust me they will come back, and when they do, if they have changed you can consider another try but ONLY if changes have been made. Same goes with less than satisfying circumstances in your life, don't like your job, your neighborhood, your body, that ratty old couch that hurts your back? Let these things go and do the work to make the changes you want to see....what you have may be old and comfortable and familiar but if you aren't satisfied, if what you have doesn't bring you joy you are fool to keep clinging to it, just like I am a fool to keep clinging to people who make me sad.........no more!

Happy New Year to everyone!  1-1-11 is a very very special day for us all---------the possibilities are endless......

With Love and In the Light,  Cassie

Auld Lang Syne - "Happy New Year" :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvJRmdN9iyU

Harry Belafonte - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

12-25-10 The Spirit of Christmas

12-25-10  The Spirit of Christmas Is everyone having a Merry little Christmas today? You know you don't have to be Christian to celebrate with those of us who are, Christmas first and foremost is about the gift of LOVE, for we believe that today is the day Jesus Christ was born on this earth to live, teach and to die for us, the greatest gift of love possible God sent his son here for US, because he loves us and so much yet we had sinned so much and he didn't want us to have to pay for those sins, that's why he sent his son to take our place for all the wrongs we did and will ever do.....I am learning more and more everyday what love really is all about.... Thursday I worked from home and supervised Jeremy cleaning up the house a bit, even though it's almost bare in here, and we weren't spending Christmas here that old clean and prepare instinct is strong in me! I did light a red candle in the green holder that I have LOL, and I have a few cards that came in from my friends who still send snail mail, and  lots more electronic cards...I even got an e-mail from Randy wishing me a Merry Christmas....I wish he could be with me just a little but I won't ask, don't want to hear him say no cuz he's going to be with them... I also met Mary for dinner, she was trying to encourage me to ask Randy to meet me for midnight Mass on my way home from NYC....I was considering it but then thought better of it....if he is alone as she suspects then he needs to be alone and pray like I told him to do, I can't pull the cocoon off the butterfly no matter how much I want to....she still thinks he and I will end up together but I am trying hard to not think about it and worry about my own path. I also spoke to the lawyer for the township who said he had the contract ready for my house, but I needed to have my lawyer look it over first, oh and all this had to be done by the 30th or they could possibly loose the grant money they have for it....nice 3 yrs of looking at my house, down to nearly half of my original asking price, and now they want to rush me into signing in a week, over the holidays, and during mecury retrograde  no less! But Cheryl called Tony (my lawyer) and he said he'd look it over and be ready for me monday...that man is saint I tell you! I met him when my son first got into trouble and we had to get a lawyer, he was very reasonably priced and let us pay in installments, and he gave a few fatherly talks to Jeremy. Yes an angel of a lawyer that man is. Friday I got up and headed into the city to meet my cousin and his boyfriend, they took me to see The Nutcracker at Lincoln Center and then to this fancy Brazilian steak house for dinner, all their treat! I gave them both a SpiritStone and shared with them what they can do and asked them to choose something for me to put the intention of in for them.  After dinner we walked over to see the tree and watch the ice skaters. There was a cheering in the crowd on the ice and we realized that some guy had just proposed to his gal, truly a magical moment, I felt a twinge of sadness as my greatest wish was that Randy would magically appear and propose to me, but I repressed it. It was so good to spend time with Brad, he was like a brother to me growing up. I had posted on my wall about how excited I was, that we had grown up together and always did all the decorating for the holidays, it's actually inspired him to launch a business of his own: http://www.thechristmasaddict.com/ It was hard for me to accept their generosity, as much of my life I am the giver but I gotta say I may be broke this year but I have seen that sometimes when you are your poorest is when life gives you your richest gifts! It's funny too how the night before I was getting ready for bed, it was late but my voice said to read a few pages in my Sylvia Brown book, about having spirituality in all the relationships in your life, a good book I recommend it. But anyway she was talking about homosexuality and how it wasn't to be judged and more things that i already believed but she said one thing I had never heard before and that was that Jesus never once said it was wrong! I posted as much in my status when the conversation turned that way when my friends congratulated me on my evening in NYC and I repeated what she said---well that got my bible thumping older boy on a roll and the messages flew back and forth! Such emotion that kid has on this topic! I am going to have to write a blog one day soon on my personal thoughts on homosexuality, how I came to my personal beliefs and share it for you all for your consideration... But I digress. Last night, I don't think I could have spent a more lovely Christmas eve, I just may make it a tradition! There was much talk and sharing, I was disappointed to hear them tell me that they don't go to any church and the reasons why they don't, the condemnation and the judgment is so sad. But I was glad to hear of the spiritual things they have studied and how their faith mirrors my own. Rik actually works for a clinic in Florida that provides medical care for Aids patients who don't have insurance. Both of them do much charity work for humanity, and I told them how wonderful that is, how proud I am of them and not to let suffering concern them too much that there is great lessons and growth in it... But anyway I need to wrap this all up for now, I am heading off to a lovely Christmas day dinner that my warm hearted Jewish friend put together for my son and I, she loves us so much and felt bad that we had no home to cook in this year she is even making us Ham (my family tradition) and invited over some of her jewish friends to fill the table! So Christmas Eve with the homosexuals and Christmas day with the Jews! I am so blessed to be loved and accepted by them, me this crazy cafeteria catholic, who studies and embraces more faiths that I have time to mention. They not only like me they LOVE me! Before I left the city last night I looked up at all the lights in Times Square and felt lonely, I recalled the photo in Randy's phone of him and his "wife" and kids and I felt a bit resentful that he never took me and my son there, or hardly anywhere yet he did for them all the things I prayed he'd do for me and my sons. It bothered me for a bit and I prayed about it as I headed back to NJ...then the voice inside me said, "he just doesn't have it in him" when my thoughts were on wishing he'd come bring me a ring and make everything right.... then the voice said "but he'll help you move in" and I decided to be happy with things as they were rather than mope that they aren't what I want. Shortly there after a CassiesCalendar buddies called and said he saw my pictures that I was in NY and he was there working did I want to come up for hot chocolate and see his office, already heading home but next time I will call you I said......and I had tons and tons of my friends messaging me today, and also some college friends sending love and understanding when they saw the fight I had with older boy.......no I may not have a husband but I have lots and lots and lots of love! Today I want you all the consider the true meaning of this holiday and see where you can love more in your life, give it as it's the greatest gift.....until you learn to give and receive love you will always feel empty inside, nothing you can buy and put under a tree can ever fill that void. A quote by   Roy L. Smith a friend posted last night sums it all up: 'He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.' With Love and in The Light, Cassie   Merry Christmas!!!!! The reason so much of humanity commemorates this day is that so much of humanity seeks to give and receive love. During this holy time, know that all times are holy, that every religion holds truth, that each tradition is sacred, and that it is in the simple sharing of love that we make our beliefs come alive, and our dreams come true. Let this Christmas Day remind us that Christ came to invite us to offer love to all humankind, and to open the door of God's kingdom to every soul. Merry Christmas, everyone. ~Neal Donald Walsh~ Harry Belafonte - I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-O-ENqlJiI

White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin

All I Want for Christmas.........

is you............my twin flame..... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azcimpWgCT0

The Journey Of The Twin Souls

Where are you Christmas? Faith Hill

12-22-10 Misfit Christmas?

12-22-10  Misfit Christmas? Well it's nearly Christmas and I been cracking jokes with my friends, we decided that this year we feel we got left on the Island of Misfit Toys! I do feel like I am sitting here trying to keep warm by a tiny little fire waiting for King Moon Racer to pick me up and take me to a home where I will be loved.....but that's ok I have my friends....and I am going to have a happy little Christmas with them! So Monday night, before the solstice full moon eclipse I took Jeremy for his first ever Reiki treatment, he didn't hate it. I was quite pleased, as I sat there I felt like a lot of my burden of concern for him was lifted, like the doorway was opened for him to begin his own healing and path of self discovery and growth. He and I went to dinner together and came home before too late. I realized I had still not heard from Randy who had promised me a photo from his snowmobile trip, and despite that my inner voice kept telling me he hadn't gone at all I texted and asked if he got home ok. He replied back: It was fun and then sent me a picture of him and his "son". Ok glad you had fun I know you are busy take care I sent back. I sat there and read up on all the energies that were going on that night and was very excited about it and did some meditations on what I hoped to attract to me, a home, a loving husband, peace and happiness for my boys....and my phone rang.... I was surprised to see it was Randy! He told me about his trip and I was so glad to hear that he had fun, I was still confused with the messages coming in that he hadn't gone and this was an old picture but I kept suppressing them. Who knows, but this is why its extremely hard for an intuitive to be with someone who's not always honest, if he was lying to me it was out of pride and I do know that no matter what you accept what someone says as truth because what they tell you matters. I shifted focus though and told him it was time to ask for a job upgrade, to full time days and get away from the car repair that takes up his weekends. He's got a list of fears though of why he doesn't want to ask so I said well its your life, your choice. He then started asking me about the singles event I had gone to, had I met anyone, was I dating anyone and I said nope nope but still working on it. He told me I am too picky maybe, or maybe I don't really want anyone and how long you been divorced again? I told him to not worry about me I would find someone when the time was right and at least he had found his happiness.........nope I haven't he said, I got my kids but I got no girlfriend. I cut him off and said you made your choice on that issue and I told him I had to go but to take care and thanked him for his offer to help me move when the time comes.... I went to bed that night with some anxiety when I realized here I had passed up an opportunity to try and work things out, and on such a high energy day too! I want him I prayed but only in the right way Lord.....no more suffering for me. The next day I was at work and got a call from my realtor, he said that the realtor for the grey house called and said the owner spoke to the township and the contract is ready and am I ready to sign and place my offer? I thought you told her I said no last week? I did he said. What happened to that cash offer she said she had? Looks like you called her bluff and was right he said. Well you tell her no thank you, my offer of full price was contingent on being allowed to rent for a couple months so I'd have a home for Christmas and can un-pack my pack rat so no tell her no thank you we are looking at other houses in the New Year. OK he said I will tell her. But between you and me, I will make a lower offer in the New Year, she's not the only one who can play the game I said! So after work I met with the mortgage guy and we crunched the numbers based on my sale price, which sadly I had rushed to take because I thought the grey house people were going to honor their promise and let me move in now. But anyway sadly since I took the first offer, I don't have enough to pay full price anyway, they'd have to come down a little for me to afford it.......so what seemed to be an awful delay actually protected me. I bet I can get the price down too quite easily in the New Year, if not then I am sure there is something else even better...still I am going to wait till the New Year like I promised, and after Mercury retrograde. Patience is a virture, my Dad used to infuriate me with that quote LOL, but I am seeing the wisdom of it (and it only took me 50 years!) hahaha Then Randy called me again last night! I had texted him earlier in the day to ask his advice on letting my son go to Florida with his friend to possibly go to school there for free, he said it was a good idea till I told him which friend he wanted to go with! But still he called me and said that it would be good for him and good for me so I could work on my relationship. But I don't have one I cried! So then he tells me that when I move there, since I am so close he could come see me often......I froze for a couple heart beats....this is what I wanted but it's also not what I wanted and what my guides were stopping me from before in regards to moving down to the town that I love.... So I told him yes you can see me sometimes but only as friends, I can't date you so long as you belong to "her"....and then he starts going on about how he doesn't belong to her but I cut him short. While you still live with that woman you are NOT dating me, he said I think she's gonna leave or I may get rid of her. Well IF she's gone and I am still single I will date you. He had to go then, was only on a break, said he'd call at 9pm....the last he mumbled was about the kids and about how much money she pays him to live there and how it was nice to have that help.....He said I know now why people with kids who are miserable married stay together sometimes, I don't know how to fix this he said. I want to be with you but if she goes so do the kids and the cats and the dog.......PRAY I told him. The energies are very powerful now and ask God and the angles to help you come up with a solution.....ok I gotta go work now call you back when I am done........sure if you want to I said, not wanting to get too committal or needy, wanting to talk to him but at the same time not wanting to get all attached again. He never called........and today I texted and said I waited for a call and never got one.......no reply yet.... Oh well, whatever........I am learning detachment to outcomes......sure I want that grey house, sure I want Randy to be brave enough to get rid of that woman and that life he says isn't complete with out me but if I don't get the things that I want I trust in the Universe to bring me something better.....so here I am single another Christmas, no husband to decorate or even a house to decorate...but there's always next year.....my King will find me..... Soon it will be Christmas, I bet a lot of you have a few things on your wish list that you hope to get....and a few things you want in your life for the coming year...... Today I want you to let go of what you want and be prepared to accept what you get with the utmost gratitude and joy and know that what ever shows up for you  or whatever may not show up, please know that everything is as it should be.......... With Love and In the Light,  Cassie  Where are you Christmas? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmGSHZYZ74c

12-20-10 Waiting for the New Light

12-20-10      Waiting for the New Light Tommorow is the full moon, solstice and total lunar eclipse! A time of tremendous energy and change is coming! Are you ready for the new sun? I know I am so ready for a new dawn in my life. Saturday morning didn't go so well for me but perhaps it was some painful things that will lead to healing later on. First thing was Jeremy was awake and had been up all night. He had taken several of the St John's Wort I had gotten him for depression, went to WaWa ran into a guy who can give him some cash work and also was told he may be getting called back to his old job also. He was happy and flet better and we talked about him wanting to take a vacation to visit a friend in Florida, this scares me because I know the friend is bad news, but at the same time he's 20 and hasn't been on a vaction in a long time, he's too young to be a slave to his job... But the next morning he was all cranky and upset that he hadn't been able to sleep and he expressef fears of stroke or seizure if I make him go back on anti-depressants. So I contacted Pat and asked her to do a Reiki session on him. He doesnt want to go but it's going to be that or medication if he's staying living with me! I know what it's done for me, and I have full faith that if he will try this with an open heart he won't need medication either.... Next I was commenting on my older boys Facebook posting, he's discussing getting out of the Air Force in a couple of years and places he may go to live. My Dad piped in and said there was a nice VA hospital if he moved to Ohio, and I commented back if he came to Keyport with me there are two dozen hospitals and clinics in a 25 mile radius why would he want to go to Ohio and drive 2 hrs to get to a hospital like my Dad does. This led to Dustin saying he wanted to go where HE wanted to go and I was only wanting him here to be selfish. My reply that was oh so I am selfish for wanting to be a family and have my son and his future wife and kids near me and what kind of church does he go to that teaches him to ostrascise his own family and only cults do that. He could keep praying I see HIS light I will keep praying he sees THE light of the loving God that I know who teaches us to love our family instead of reject them. Yeah my pain caused a reaction, then again I spoke from my heart and I hope my words stay with him. This is the problem I have with the faith of my family, they choose again and again to NOT love that which doesnt sit 100% with what they believe, there's no room for others. It sadenns me and I am sure it saddens the God who created us ALL. Then  I got to thinking about Randy and his snowmobile trip, I always worry about him as he drives like a crazy man and more than one psycic has seen him wrapped around a tree or lost along the trail. So I broke down and I texted him to be sure to pack the handwarmers I got him and put them on his heart if he gets stranded. He texted back that he'd be thinking of me and my reply was: Best be thinking of staying safe , I am fine am going to a huge singles party in NYC I will be doing what I love too. Thought that would shut him up but he replied to save him some pee-pee (his word for sex, I told you he's 12) LOL My reply was LOL too cold for Sandy Hook now, IF I am still single next summer MAYBE we can then... No reply, good. He made his choice, instead of taking me into his life and working something out for all of us to be happy he choose to keep me out and stay with that other woman so he'd have kids to play with.  There will be no more chances for that now....but none of our choices are wrong, they only lead to different paths that's all. I am confident that the new path God will bring me will lead to a man who would never give me up like that, who would be there to take care of me and have a proper balance to the relatioship between play time and responsibility. My hurt and sadness over him has run it's course time for new love.... Saturday night I headed into the city with Deborah and Dave for a meetup with The Brainiac's dating site. We had a blast let me tell you, I just adore NYC! We were a bit timid of all the brainy people upstairs so we stayed downstairs and made a few friends down there, people kept coming down and hanging with us though. Deb hit it off with the wild gal and I hit it off with the quiet one and we were very amused to sit there and laugh at them and thier antics. Marla was the one that I talked to and she told me how she is "gifted" and can see things before they happen and I told her of my Reiki practice and gave her a SpiritStone charged with the intention that she requested, a relationship, I cautioned her that the stone would not bring the person but it would begin the healing process in her to get her ready so she attracts the person. She understood and when she held it in her hand she started beaming from ear to ear and told me she can feel the power and how amazing it was! I was happy and when she invited Deborah and I to her house in Brooklyn for a New Years Day party I told her perhaps we can come. Deb was all happy on the drive home texting with her new gal pal too. Sunday I had intended to take Jeremy to church with me as part of his care plan to self improvement but he got up and left at 8am....I was very distraught when I saw who he left with and I knew where he was heading, off to buy "supplies" to sell. Needless to say we had quite the heart to heart talk when he got home. I told him that he can't hang with that friend anymore if he wants to live with me. I said this boy had everything you always felt sorry for yourself for not having, he had a mother and a father and a regular family, family dinners, home baked cookies all of that and look he is such a winy slefish baby. He listened to me but said I get lonely I need friends and I said of course you do but you gotta make new ones and you gotta choose better this time. I talked to Melissa my other Reiki master friend and was going to go meet her for a Soltice drum circle but I ended up not going, this one had a fee and I really couldnt afford it. I did instead what I love to do on winter afternoons and that was take a nap...before laying down I prayed about weather I should rent an apartment instead of trying to buy another house right now. That seems to be the consesus from everyone on what I should do, but I get anxiety attacks everytime I look at apartments, I know the reason is I fear moving into one will be me giving up, but also its so claustrophoic too. So I prayed and said Ok God if that's what you want for me I will do it, in the New Year I will look........ but I woke up from my name with the address of the grey house in my mind, and this morning I woke up with a voice inside me saying I will get the grey house for you.... Perhaps its not gone yet... Tommorow is a very powerful day, I even was compelled to write to Randy and tell him it was time to ask for an upgrade for his job, he never sent me the pictures of the snow from Vermont that he had promised me, my little voice said he didnt go.....so I wrote and told him he can ask for an upgrade to full time at UPS now and no more weekends fixing cars..he deserves a good M-F day job so he can be home with the wife and kids I told him....but he has to ask...you won't get what you don't ask for . You also won't get what you ask for and then worry about.......I was on the verge of getting the grey house but I worried at the last minute can I afford it, are the extra bedrooms big enough so I can rent them if need be? What if the area floods? Yup too much worrying.... Tommorow 12-21-10 is a full moon, on soltice and a total lunar eclipse! I am taking Jeremy to see my Reiki master tonight and tommorow night I plan on going to the full moon fire ceremony with my Shaman, I want to again let go of this house and this life and welcome in the new one that is coming. Please be sure to set your intentions wisely, think about and ask for what you want in your life in the coming year, and always remember to say to God to do all things according to the highest good for all involved. The new sun and its new light is coming soon....when it shines on you what is going to show up in your new life cycle??  Ask well............ With Love and in the Light, Cassie  Yule - The Winter Solstice  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDQXSLRRAEs

12-17-10 Frozen in Place

12-17-10   Frozen in Place Remember when I posted last and I told you not to look down?  Well I looked down, I got scarred and now here I sit FROZEN.....let me tell you what happened...  Just when I thought I had all my ducks in a row, had jumped through EVERY hoop. met every condition to get that grey house and get moved in before Christmas they decide that I can not move in and rent it that I have to buy it now, she now claims that they have a cash offer that is just $800 less than my full price offer. She suddenly had the signed contract to buy and sent it right over to my realtor, claiming they'd honor my offer since it came in first. After some agonizing though I decided heck no I was mad, mad at them for promising me something and not delivering and my offer to pay full price was contingent on them letting me in now while mine closed, and not forcing me to get a bridge loan or any other such nonsense. Because I wanted a home for Christmas, a new home to fill with love and light and baking like my grandma used to do. So I told my realtor tell her no thank you, she can sell it to the other people, and IF in the new year that offer falls through (or didn't even exist as I suspect) I will go back in with a lower offer, if I still want it. Yep brave I was but sad inside me. This came on the same day that I had to show up for court. That didn't go as planned either, instead of waiting to go in and discuss with the prosecutor Jesse went up and plead not guilty for my trespassing charges the police told me to file and started trying to tell the judge I assaulted her. Not the sharpest little thing but anyway he just said OK then we go to trial, and she is applying for a public defender... I however, being a working person can't afford one. Oh what the world teaches us these days, if you can't be super rich you may as well not work at all and live off the government, the way things keep going there won't be a working class anymore and then where will we be? But I digress..... I now have to go back and appear at a trial and hope things go well with me trying to defend myself with no witnesses. I am hoping in the end my son will go with me, he was there but claims he was asleep, how he was asleep and saying he didn't know the girls name is beyond me.... So there I sat, being sad about losing that house, worrying about defending myself with no witnesses (the truth may set you free but it seldom saves you in our judicial system these days).  John never called so I guess that was a blow off (why they come on so strong and then disappear with no explanation I will never know) but anyway in a weak moment I did what we all do and I looked back, I broke down and texted Randy and asked him to call me......which he did. He said I should rent an apartment for a year up near work and then he just wanted to talk about his snowmobile trip coming up. Yep this is his time he LOVES the snow the cold the ice. Oh well at least he's happy, he's a simple fellow and it doesn't even hurt anymore. He loves what he loves..........Mary said he wants me to stay up here an rent instead of move down there for self preservation, she said he'd come over if I was there. Frankly I don't care, he'd make a nice friend, there always was a comfort there between us, a bond and a friend is nice to have. But right now I think of him and there is no sexual desire left, not a shred, because when I envision him in my mind it's not a man I see but a 12 yr old boy and I really don't think I would be happy living in Vermont either. I don't regret the carefree fun summer we shared, not one bit, my mistake was to not end it in September when I said I would and instead tried to turn it into something it couldn't be. Love comes in many forms, when we accept it as it is and learn not to ask of it what it is not, that is where we find our peace. Last night I had dinner with Mary, she says she sees a promotion at work coming my way, a big jump in responsibility and also in pay....bring it on I said I can handle the responsibility I just haven't been willing to take it on manger level responsibility at entry level pay. We'll see how that pans out.... She said I was taking the house let down well and I told her after all this I have finally finally gotten to the "whatever" phase, of just dealing with thing as they are and sitting patiently for things to change. I also got a reading that night that I had scheduled online several days before. Ray felt really bad but I am learning more and more to trust the universe and when things are delayed its best to just wait and not worry. Here's his site, for $5 you can learn much: http://www.truepathreadings.com/  Anyway he told me many things but the biggest one was about my move, he said what I need to do now is NOTHING, to not think about it to not talk about it to not look at any new houses. He said to keep moving forward with the sale of the old house, and since I had an appointment with the mortgage guy Monday to keep that. He also echoed what Mary said about Mike perhaps not being a good choice of a realtor for me, I know he's inexperienced but I was hoping to help him learn, he's a nice patient young guy who needs to learn a few tricks if he's going to make it in NJ (he's not from around here). Today I worked from home and spent the day with Jeremy, I dragged his butt out of bed at the crack of noon (yeah right II know) and made him scrub the shower for me and clean up his room. I had made him move down from the attic to save on the heating bill but his mess is still up there. I talked to him and told him he has to follow all my rules if he wants to stay here and we are making a contract. I then found out he had smoked in my house so I said he has to quit smoking and he agreed to go to the doctor and try some anti depressants again. I also took him for a haircut and we got groceries. We got him some St John's Wort for his depression and I told him to hang on soon the light would be coming back and he'd be less sad. He's also going to my friends house for Christmas dinner...I had invited my Jewish gal pal over and was going to cook for her in my new home (she's a closet ham eater don't tell anyone) She also was going to bring her Jewish ex boyfriend, they said it would be more fun than the traditional movie and Chinese restaurant! hahaha BUT since I am not moving in she is cooking for us! Now how many people do you know who can get a Jew to cook them a ham dinner on Christmas? And we get to sit around her lovely Hanukkah tree (I'll have to get  pictures of that!) So I am frozen stuck here in place but I am for once in my life just going to sit back and see what happens and live for the moments I have and the people who are with me in those moments. I am very much looking forward to the Full Moon on Winter Solstice and it's also going to be a total Lunar eclipse! This is a very very rare occurrence! Much change is going to be coming after that, so be ready........don't worry that if everything seems frozen right now, there will be a thaw.............today just sit and wait , no need to go out into the storm....and don't let the snow blind you....... With Love and in The Light, Cassie Styx - Snowblind http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdMEQ2fU7HA Black Can Be Beautiful O God, black can be beautiful! Let us be aware of black blessings: Blessed be the black night that nurtures dreams. Blessed be the black hole out of which creation sprang. Blessed be the black cave of imagination that births creativity. Blessed be dark wombs that cradle us. Blessed be black loam that produces nourishing food for our bodies. Blessed be black jazz that nourishes our souls. Blessed be black energy that swirls into gracefulness. Blessed be black coal that heats us. Blessed be black boiling clouds hurling down lightning and cleansing rain. Blessed be even our own darkness, our raw, undeveloped cave of shadows. O God, help us to befriend black and not deny its power. Help us not to cover over the dark with fear but to open to it with your grace and to be open to your life within the dark. May we discover the blessings that lie deep within our holy dark so that we may freely affirm that Black is beautiful indeed!

Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven

12-13-10 Trusting the Bridge

12-13-10    Trusting the Bridge So Friday night since John didn't have time for a date Jeremy and I went to Walmart, he had needed a ride to cash his paycheck and we needed groceries. I was going down the aisle when a guy came up and said Hi Cassie and started talking to me, someone I totally didn't know at all! He then said oh that's right you don't know me but I know you and he told me how he has been a CassiesCalendar follower for years and had always wanted to meet me. He said funniest thing but a voice inside him had told him he was going to meet me at Walmart this night! Weird right? I wish the voice had told me so I could have put some make-up and something other than a jogging-suit on before I headed out (remember Friday is my work from home day) LOL We had a brief conversation and he was disappointed to know I was not going on the 40 mile bike ride the next day that I had posted....join my calendar and you will get the newsletter telling you what events I will attend I told him.See I knew my readership is at least twice of who has actually registered! Saturday I did some shopping and then I stayed home, Jeremy was home and we ordered pizza and he actually paid for half! I was so happy! Maybe that boy is learning some responsibility. He's been home every night too and sober, staying out of trouble...if this keeps up I won't mind if he does end up going with me when I move. I got really bored though and posted and ad on CraigsList, met one nice guy who wasn't too bad looking and we e-mailed all night, till I got to the point of well someday when we meet.....and *poof* he was gone! I stayed home Sunday too, did a bit of shopping, picked up a couple red-box movies and headed home. Jeremy went to work and came home early, grumbled something at me and went to his room. I landed another craigslist guy and he called and talked to me for a bit. Real friendly guy, lives about 30 min south of where I am moving to, said he hates driving though except in the summer he rides his Harley around so I told him well I will put you on the back burner for now and in the summer ride up and see me. LOL  I also paid all my bills on Sunday and took a look at what my deposit looks like now that they are taking out the loan payback--- pretty pathetic I went to bed praying for a good offer on my house the next day, enough to pay off my credit cards and maybe even my car.....I promised to not worry and my voice said all will be well.... Monday morning the card I drew was Trust, and I must say I am going to have to practice that one to my fullest potential! My realtor and I went to meet with the township and they made the offer. It was really more of an insult, especially with how they led up to it by saying what a lovely piece of property it is, how there's no other public access to the river in this township, the historical value yadda yadda.....and then they said that due to it being Green Acers Fund money they can't offer me any more than the appraisal...which was just enough to cover my current mortgage, the realtor fees (at a reduced rate) and leave me a very small amount, an amount so small that if I had not borrowed on my 401k I wouldn't have enough for a new down payment on even that small house cheap grey house that I found. I cried, I really cried right there in front of the township committee...but then I pulled myself together and said ok. What choice did I have? I had a choice 3 yrs ago to take nearly double this offer and I said no because I had only listed the house because Randy and I were going to sell ours and get one together but we had just broken up, and instead of him coming to ask me to marry him he went off and found another chick, took her on his motorcycle to Vermont and sent me a picture of them. I was too devastated back then to take that offer and this is what I was faced with now..nope this was my only choice and I had to take it and make the best of it.. I signed the papers and I bucked up and I said to myself it was a miracle that I held onto this house all this time, more miracles will happen....so I came home and went to work on my new business venture for CassiesCalendar and the spin off we are making Social-Cirlces and was happy to find out AnnMarie got us FREE concert tickets for The Starland Ballroom, right near where I am movint to! And For a really kewl Led Zeppelin and other 70's bands tribute concert. Yep we got something going on here now, I can do this I can make it and then my son came downstairs and I told him the news and that he better get on the ball as I would be leaving soon and he'd be in bad shape if he didn't get out looking for a place and making some plans.....and then he dropped his bomb..... He lost his job. I just took a deep breath and let him walk away..... But I talked to Mary and I got my courage back and my momentum because that's what single mom's have to do and I went up to get him to go get his new phone fixed... I was able to get a new phone for free for him, then we went and picked up taco bell for dinner and I gave him the lecture the well this was just a stepping stone job anyway, any I ever lost I ended up with a better job (its true too) and you know you needed to move on and you never would have left there any other way and he agreed. So now he's got to decide if he wants to try and get assistance for housing and stay here or go with me, and that's his choice to make, but some how I believe this "bad" thing did happen for a good reason right now......trust is needed...trust and courage and I have to teach him how to have it when I am on the verge of losing mine. But it's not the first time I been in tough spots I can do this.....God never let me down before why would he now.... so I sent Mike the paper work and told him to see if this is enough finally to satisfy the man in the grey house so that I can move in. How about you? How are things going for you in your life right now? Is the going tough? It is for most of us these days, but the key to how we end up is trust and faith. We can hang on and keep going, and what looks to be a rickety old bridge just may end up being your stairway to a heaven, a new Begining ........just keep going, trust in your god and DON"T LOOK DOWN!!!! With Love and in The Light, Cassie Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcL---4xQYA

12-10-10 New Doorways

12-10-10     New Doorways Well Wednesday came and went and I have not signed anything to move into that house, I had to call and cancel the pack rat and the cable appointments and sit there and wonder why.... I finally got back to a point of acceptance and peace, and was glad to see it was much easier this time than in the past. Work has kept me busy with nearly a week long of day long meetings. Ugh how I abhor the corporate world! But I like the paycheck and the benefits! LOL And I at least feel that I do a job that benefits humanity, I am a product quality analyst for a major pharmaceutical company. I do a lot to keep things safe for consumers and take my responsibilities very seriously. So anyway, Thursday rolls around and we wrap up the week with a holiday luncheon, it was nice to get to spend some time with the team and after lunch I was all happy and relaxed and looking forward to my date with John (the ex-marine) that night. I went back to the office to do a bit of work and freshen my make up. He texted to say he was going to be a half hour late and was very thankful when I took it in stride. I was just about to head out when my realtor called and said that the township wanted to meet with she and I on Monday to discuss making an offer on my house! Woohoo I thought! She got more nervous than me at that point but I told her listen, now it's all just about the money, so keep in mind how much they tax assessed me at and know that I am not going to go much lower than that without just cause. She took a few deep breaths, I told her write up the contract over the weekend so all we have to do is write in the number to get it over to the lawyer, with a little luck I will be able to still get that pack rat moved and unloaded by next Friday! I headed off to meet John with a skip in my step that totally kept me from being nervous or self-conscious. I arrived at the diner and he pulled in not too long after and called to say he was right behind me. I got out and turned to see him walking towards me and I must say my heart did flutter! He looked a little older in person, more distinguished and the 12 yr age gap didn't seem so big after all..... He seemed dissapointed that all I wanted was coffee and not dinner but I assured him I was full from lunch but could stay and talk as long as he had time for. We hit it off famously and turns out he's very very much like me, also a Virgo like me, I only hope we aren't too much alike...he told me how he has had tendencies of being used and unappreciated as well...I wonder what happens when two "givers" get together? This is some research I could get into! We both discussed "issues" we had with others and felt the relationship out for those and were relieved. He revealed a great deal about himself and then said wow you are only the second person I ever told that to! It was nice to be so open wiht one another and not hide things. The one problem though was he has his kids often on the weekends (age 9 and 11). I told him simply that I would date him but I would not wait for him, he looked pretty sad at that statement so I added: Listen we can date, and if the Universe wants us together it will work things out for us someway somehow. He smiled wide at that and said I like that, I like that a lot. We had to cut the date short though, his phone vibrated 4 times in the first 20 min and I finally said you better get it and he said thank you and picked up. During the date there were about 4 more calls him trying to get someone to pick up blue prints for him and threatening to fire the guy. I finally said you can go, I won't be mad, again he was grateful for my understanding. He paid the bill ( an man who pays woohoo!) and walked me to my car and we hugged and nuzzled each other a few times before he left, it was cold and we lingered quite awhile despite it..both of our eyes sparkling with the prospect of what may be for us...finally I said go, go we can make another date soon and  I got in the car and headed home and after texting a friend who was in town to let her know I was coming home early my phone rang, thought it was her but it was John! He apologized about having to leave and said he felt like turning the car around and coming back, I said no soon enough I will be living in the next town over we will have time for each other then..... later that night we texted and flirted back and forth till I fell asleep...... Maybe good things really do come to those who wait........ This morning though I was dissapointed to find out that he is not available to see me tonight as we had hoped, and for the weekend he has his kids....I told him curtly to let me know when he has time for me and went about the business of my day trying to not let my negative, needy, he must not really like me nagging voice to get to me. No I told myself I am going to take him at face value I am going to believe him and I am not going to demand from him to prove he cares. The man is out working not out playing with the boys, and he has two young children of his own who need him. Just relax and let him find time for me....I am not going to let fear of rejection and abandonment sabotage a potentially good relationship before I even give it a chance. I am not going to let my emotional neediness rear its ugly head, nor am I going to start this relationship not trusting. I am going to give him a chance, I am going to give us a chance...and allow the Universe to work it all out..... Today is Dec 10th and according to Pat's newsletter a very very important day, a day of extreme light and extreme potential. I myself feel that I have so many things ready to happen for me in my life, the only thing I need to do is remember always, with each step, each turn on my path that to choose love and not to choose fear. I am going to love the process of selling and moving and I am going to choose not to fear trying to allow love into my life yet again. Today is a doorway forward into my new life of light and of love.......what about you? The door is open....are you ready to walk through it?? Better hurry.....cuz baby it's cold out there....... With Love and in the Light, Cassie Baby It's Cold Outside http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPYN0T7DBtw

Camouflage And Christmas Lights

12-6-10 Home for Christmas?

12-6-10   Home for Christmas? So after my Reiki treatment Wednesday night I drove home and I decided no I do not want Randy, everyone's been right that I deserve far far better. I also tossed aside the guys who wrote to me on CL because they hadn't even talked to me on the phone yet and were wanting to discuss sexual preferences (and they had a couple that I wasn't gonna do) LOL I also took down my intention notes on my computer, the ones that said when I was going to buy, sell and what price I wanted to sell at. I needed to let go and allow god to answer instead of force the answer. I went to bed feeling like I totally let go, not pretended to let go, not said I let go but really let go.... The next day at work I got a call from my realtor telling me that the man who owns the grey house talked to the township who informed him an offer letter would be in the mail to me Saturday and as soon as that is at my attorney's office he will sign the rental papers! I told Mike to schedule me for Wed the 8th (knowing mercury goes retrograde on the 9th for the rest of the month) and I'd be down with a check for 2.5 months rent and to get the keys. Now all I need is the money from the credit union I thought, and my cell phone rang..it was them saying the money came back, they cut me a check and it was on its way to me UPS! I was glad to know that friday was my work from home day so I could run to the bank and deposit the check and pray it cleared in time to get a cashiers check wed... I contacted my boss and requested the 8, 9 and 10th off. I breathed a sigh of relief and then started to get sick right after lunch...really sick, stomach flu kind sick...so I came home to sleep.. When I got home though the check was already here so I drug myself over to cash it before I layed down, good thing I did too or it wouldn't have cleared in time since it was such a big check. It's amazing how every little thing works out to help you along once the universe is on your side and orchestrating your path and I was glad I drove by the grey house on tuesday and tossed a couple inspiristones out even though on tuesday I had pretty much given up on that place.... I stayed in that night because I was still weak but friday I was feeling better and put in a lot of time on work stuff to catch up and not be behind for the coming week. I also called pack rat to find out how much lead time they needed, turns out they need a week so I scheduled the move for the 9th and the pick up of the empty for the 17th, the very last day I could have it without paying for a third month.. My friends were telling me I am jumping the gun but I don't think so...I can always cancel if I have to. Friday night was good, Jeremy was home and I told him about the move date and talked of him coming down to help me put up the Christmas lights and ordered pizza. I also watched the rest of my family videos, even the wedding video. It didn't at all make me sad though, just a nice reflection of a different chapter in my life, one that I was glad that I had but one that was over. I "talked" to Gus a bit and said thanks for loving me, I wish you could have healed and had the good life we planned but well it's not to be now, perhaps some other life I will see you again. I know he will stay in Flemington and watch over our son and I am glad to know that. I also was writing back and forth to a nice guy from craigslist who lives in the town next to the one I am moving to.... Saturday I woke up and was surprised to draw the SoulMate card, didn't expect that one about now but I think the message for it was that the angles are working on finding me a soulmate love...I certainly do seem to be attracting attention suddenly! First the CL guy called, he not only is very cute but quite a gentleman, he's younger though (38 to my 50) I generally go for 5-7 yrs younger but he convinced me that he has always liked older women and well he's an ex-marine, owns his own business and like I said lives the next town over so I said to keep in touch and we can go for coffee next weekend... Then a guy out of the blue wrote me on facebook, said he liked my picture and we wrote back and forth all day, he sent his pic though and I got a really bad vibe, not a happy camper that one no way am I getting into that anymore, no fixer-uppers at my age. Lastly I was looking for something to do and saw a singles organization was doing an event locally, the owner had been writing me for years to help him promote his stuff but since they are paid events I wouldn't do it (I always did mine for free) but I thought let me see what he does...so I wrote him and said if he gave me free admission I'd come and give a write up in the next CassiesCalendar newsletter. He said of course come as my guest and sent me a coupon for my whole group to use and so we went! It was nice and a very nice guy asked me to dance...now I see the value in these paid events....the men are gentlemen not the type looking for a free ride...I am going to have to go to more of these.... Sunday I met with Mary for movie and dinner and we talked about a lot of things....a good day, a good turning point for me and the angel card today was answered prayer... I went to work with a skip in my step a smile on my face all excited and started making plans on who to invite for Christmas dinner.....but at the moment I am operating on pure faith and patience or I would explode! My seller's realtor talked to the township and they did NOT tell that man they were sending my offer letter Saturday, as a matter of fact they had to post pone their meeting and its not going to happen till Thursday! When Mike called I had to tell him and he said that he didn't think they were going to go through with this because the man wanted to speak to my lawyer and know the offer was in attorney review before he signs with me. I said that was totally un-acceptable I was NOT paying my lawyer to talk to him about my sell. I said this is what rent to own means, he RENTS to me, then when mine sells I buy it very simple, I been jumping through hoops for him for three weeks and he can rent to me or the whole deal is off and I am not buying at all. Mike said he'd give him that message..... I got home and got a call from my propane company, they aren't going to deliver propane either till I get caught up. So no oil means no heat, no propane means no cooking or hot water, then again the well is low so there may not be water to heat anyway! LOL I know my spirit teachers all told me that house would literally "kick me out" when it was time, well heck it seems like that's happening and I am ready to go but I have no place to go! Over the weekend I made arrangements for the pack rat to be moved from her to there on the 9th, the cable is coming Monday..I am ready now I just said a prayer to god and the angels to speak to that man's heart to let me move now so that I have a new home for Christmas.....I am starting to feel like a solider in the war, stuck in a fox hole and praying for orders for leave to go home for Christmas! ......but no matter what I must remember to have faith in God and know wherever he has me this year is exactly where I belong....there are others who have it much worse....and hey at least one thing I don't have to wait for, my new marine guy decided that we would meet on Thursday either here or there depending on where I am at, so that's one plan still working.....and just because my prayer for my home didn't get answered today doesn't mean it wont still be answered tomorrow..... Today take a moment to thank God for your homes and your families and the Christmas homecomings that are soon to occur.  Say a prayer for our soldiers too who can't make it home this year and that they stay safe and warm ......Don't ever take what you have for granted...... With Love and in the Light,  Cassie Camouflage And Christmas Lights http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6p7HtoYlwY

Katy Perry - Firework

12-1-10 Spinning Out of Control

12-1-10    Spinning Out of Control   Happy Hanukka! Well tonight I was supposed to go to my first ever Hanukka celebration but my life and emotions had spun so out of control this week that there was just no freaking way I was going to be able to go. I needed emergency help and my good friend Pat who is a wonderful energy worker, this is her website:  http://www.patchapmanllc.com/ , offered to let me come over for a free treatment and oh my god it saved me from spinning wildly out of control, she's amazing and got be right back into balance. But here's what happend....   Monday after I posted my blog I sent out a message to the spiritual friends whom I have worked with, the reiki masters, the shamans, the readers, friends whom I have gone to ceremonies with and asked them all to send me light and love and they responded and many of them told me they have been going through some incredibly difficult times, one even was also arrested! I started to feel better and better and made plans for my day for tuesday and how to go about handling business. First order of business was see if the money had gotten electronically transferred to my bank from the 401K loan I had taken out and call in and pay my mortgage since it was the last day of the month and if I didn't pay before midnight I would get a 30 days past due note and mess up my credit....   The money was not there! I frantically called my savings place and they counted, yup plenty of time it should be there, well we figured out that in my haste and anxiety I had given the wrong bank numbers. The only thing was to cancel it and they'd have to mail me a check and thats going to take several days! I didnt have enough money to pay the mortgage if I wanted to put money down on one of the apartments I was going to look at in Keyport that afternoon....so I franctically called my bank, after many tears and talking to several people I realized that they were just plain cold and heartless! They refused to even wait three more days for the money and not report me, I swore then and there to never get a mortgage with Chase bank again, cold and heartless that's what they are...then again they probably aren't any worse than the rest of them but still I am not ever chosing them again! I decied to go take care of court business...   I went over to the court to file the tresspassing charges on  the girl, oh you're Jeremy's mom arent you the clerk said and went on about how much she loves my son and seeing him when he comes in to pay his fines, tough love she said do the tough love..ya ya ya every police officer, court clerk, judge, prosecuter, social worker, probation officer in town knows and loves my son. How in the world can he feel so depressed and unloved when EVERYone who ever meets him loves him?.....kinda reminds me of girl i used to know about 30 yrs ago, humm...... Anyway after that I went to file the eviction and after going back from sheriff to civil to family divisions the consensus was that I can not evict my son, all I can do is tell him to leave and file trespassing if he comes back. He should be able to get housing help from social services though... I glanced at the art work on the wall, a small boy overlooking a body of water all alone the title PRIORITIES....message was clear, if I want to live near the water I have to handle my prioroties first....so I called him before heading to Keyport and he said he went there and they said no since he has a job and had been living here...   In Keypot of the three we looked at only one was acceptable and it wasnt such a hot choice but I could deal if I had to. We talked just a bit more about the gray house and he said bottom line that man wants an offer in place for my house first, not a closing but at least an offer. Mike my realtor gently said I know how badly you want to move, and I know you are all packed but maybe you better just wait a bit, and I recognized he was right....driving back up towards home I was noticing the traffic, and it was only 4pm (I of coruse had stopped and got my shrimp sandwich and sat by the bay to eat a late lunch before heading home), it was heavy and I started to think why am I moving so far from work..... Then my friend Mike called and wanted to meet for dinner so we did, he's a business man and a father of teenagers and I knew he was a good one to be seeing. He advised me on the tough love thing, but he also didnt nag me when my son's friend called to tell me Jeremy had been sleeping in a dumpster the last two nights and I relented and said tell him to go home and sleep tonight (it was raining too boot).   Mike also said for me to stay in the house till I find a tennant or the house sells and it takes two days to get an apartment I don't have to rush and paying another month on my pack rat is cheaper than rent. He's a good friend, we fight like cats and dogs sometimes because he's Italian and I think I am (was married to one so he says I am by injection) lol But we get things out we say whats on our mind and we hug and make up when it's all said and done. We respect each other because we are always honest and real with one another. He got lots of laughs when I told him the developments of a guy I had liked in the spring that he warned me about and I had to say yes yes you told me so and he could gloat a bit. I talked to him about Randy some, not all of it but some things and it got me missing him and I texted him to say ya know I do need some pokey.....his reply was fast but stunk: soon...   That night I went to sleep all wound up , worried, frustrated concerned, fearfull and no one there to ground me and hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok....I had asked Randy to come to me in dreams at least he said he would but it didnt work, if he was there I didnt know it so I woke up in a frenzy of anxiety.......went to work had a ton of red flag e-mails because I had missed a day of work , then I tried calling helplines trying to get housing and help for my son and they just tell me let him sleep in a dumpster and go to al-anon! His drinking isnt my problem his refusal to grow up is my problem! A co-worker told me to go see the on site counselor so I did and he was very helpful----told me a story of how eagles build nests for their young...long story remind me to tell you another day...but he said its OK for my peace of mind to let him sleep at home, we set up conditions for me to put down, he said its OK to make him call the help line himeself and he told me there are support groups for tough love parents. Thats what I need! He also told me he is a level 2 Reiki practitioner and is going to try and bring reiki to our company....I bet I can help with that project! I went back to work, tossed up a quick personal ad and finsihed my work and headed out for the day...   So I went to see Pat, and I told her that she needs to contact him and see if she can get in there. She's retired from the corporate world and thusly understands.... but anyway the treatment was nice the energy so powerful, I could even hear my guides speak to me directly! One of them told me I was going to be much thinner soon.. LOL She also did a crystal card reading on me and got that I have much much power to create now but my life and emotions are in a storm, I need to relax, calm down and focus......quit worrying and fretting and relax a bit and allow the universe to orchastrate the changes in my life.........sigh........whew, I really was spinning out of control there! I totally lost the gentle turn turn turn and tried to speed things up I didnt care where I landed I just want to land already! But no slow back down........paitence..   Driving home a song came on the radio, I know it was for me from my guides.......the line: Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed..So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road....and I realized there's IS a reason why I lost the house on Sunset, the Yellow house the Gray house, they guy I liked last spring, Randy.....there's much better doors going to be opening up for me soon.....and when it's time I will know......i will make it and boy once I do I am going to light the world everywhere I go!   Today I want you all to realize your worth, no matter what storm you are facing in your life, what hurricanes, what turmoils, what strife.....you will come to that door too, that right door that will open up to your rainbow.........its inside you......show the world what you are worth!       With Love and in the Light, Cassie     Katy Perry - Firework http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw     Do you ever feel like a plastic bag Drifting through the wind Wanting to start again Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin Like a house of cards One blow from caving in Do you ever feel already buried deep Six feet under scream But no one seems to hear a thing Do you know that there's still a chance for you Cause there's a spark in you You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on let your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own You don't have to feel like a waste of space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow And when it's time, you'll know You just gotta ignite the light And let it shine Just own the night Like the Fourth of July Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on slet your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon It's always been inside of you, you, you And now it's time to let it through Cause baby you're a firework Come on show 'em what your worth Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" As you shoot across the sky-y-y Baby you're a firework Come on slet your colors burst Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!" You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!" Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon Boom, boom, boom Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon