10-21-10 Light a Candle

10-21-10 Light a Candle

Last night I go home from work and got a few "signs" about having power to create my future and such----humph I thought if I had power my house would have sold and I'd be engaged to Randy! LOL But I did spend a tad bit of time focusing on what I wanted and thanking God for all I have right now. I took out my two stones and put them with a rose quartz one and next to a red candle (for love) and said a prayer, when I went to bed I took them and the candle to my room and also put my cross to represent my faith in Christ along with it. I want to make a note here about majick and rituals and such. I am a Christian and I always pray for God's will not my own to prevail, that being said people of faith have always used symbols, props, words, candles, incense etc. Remember that Jesus only came to this world 2010 years ago, before that the people had to appeal to their higher power they way they knew, by sticks and stones and fire and honoring creation and its cycles. My faith would not be complete without a balance of all of these things, but for me I am mindful to recall there is one God the father, one son and all the others have only power through him and for the good and the connectedness of all.

So I did a bit more packing and organizing and I headed off to Wal-Mart for some things I needed. While I was there I got a call from my realtor asking me what was up, I was tired and not much into talking though. She told me she got an e-mail from the Historical Society saying they were working on scheduling an appraisal, I told her I was packing and moving and planned to be out by 11/1 so I don’t see the point but whatever. I was tired so very tired of all this. At the check out I ran into my accountant and she wanted to know what was going on with the house, she has been with me since I was married and we first got the place and did the rental thing. One year even doing my taxes for free when my ex first went to jail and we were cashing in all his 401Ks to hang on. She told me she didn’t think the freeholders had anything to do with the money that they were just slow as molasses, she knows several people on the board and would call them the next day and find out what’s up. Go for it I said. She said she'd miss me but I said well you will still be doing my taxes every year, and anytime you want to come sit on my deck and sip margaritas come down! She liked that idea and I said see God another reason I should get that house!

I went home and checked the posting of The Outlaw Poet, seemed he was talking about leaving his love, I wondered if that meant Randy was thinking I'd be better off without him...I sent up a message that I would not be.....This morning my card of the day was Soul Mate but yet the poets messages still were about leaving, you be better off w/o me etc..... For the first time ever I didn't feel a panic over this, I felt peace and trust in my God that he knows I want a soul mate, he knows I want it to be Randy , but I know that God knows best so he will work this out for me. If he goes he will bring me someone else but he is still working on Randy's heart. Driving to work I had a thought that if we both co-signed together we could get the house on sunset AND the garage in union beach and be equal partners in all of it. With his knowledge of engines and numbers and my marketing and contacts we could be extremely successful indeed! Oh but here I was day dreaming again....dear God whatever you want is fine. And my little voice said....."will you live in Island Pond with him?".....and I replied yes ok sure but I need an internet connection! "You will have it" was the reply..........

Am I nuts or am I fully in my faith? Time will tell time will tell.........for now I got work to do, a workshop for tonight and I ordered elven ears for $5 and got an Arwen wig at Walmart for $8......maybe I can wear my old witches gown from every other year, its black but I can be Arwen in mourning...........that’s who I feel like without my King........

Keep the faith my friends, keep the faith, even though it seems you have lost everything and there is much to be sad about light a candle and pray...........there are those who curse the darkness and there are those who light candles...........who do you want to be? What will bring you to your joy?

With Love and in the Light, Cassie
Sleepsong

 PS
just after I posted about lighting a candle and keeping the faith in the darkness I got an idea and I wrote to Todd to remind him that if he bought my place now, as opposed to renting it to own then all the repairs he does on it HALF are tax deductible. I reminded him again that if his girlfriend co-signed then he would qualify.....and if they did this as a partnership then the repairs costs could be tax deductible for them both........ As I was typing the e-mail my realtor called and said the Historical Society wanted to come at 9am tomorrow to do an appraisal........sure I said but beyond that I just said thank you dear lord this is in your hands......thank god tomorrow is the full moon fire ceremony I am going there for my support in this trying time.......faith and trust and gratitude in my present moment even in my darkest hours, perhaps that's the lesson I need to learn that is binding me here?
and tonight is the heal your heart workshop i am giving, let it finish healing my heart so that i will be a good mate who doesn't worry so much that i am not loved even when my guy wants to play with the boys....its a manly man I want after all anyway!
and dear god watch over Randy I just remembered how his house got struck by lighting and his cat died the last two times he turned his back on me.......if he wants to go let him go in peace and protection...... Thank you God for everything Amen