9-26-10

9-26-10

Wow I had a heck of a week but it ended with a lot of hope and promise.....and it all started with a meltdown......as do most new beginnings.....

Work was tough all week with me trying to learn the new process, trying to learn all the other products in my group, getting ready for a co-workers vacation and I was going to have to cover and well everything was going on at once! Not to mention all the stress from home and dating ugh. Anyway it got so bad that I cried--at work! Yes I did! Once I got over my embarrassment though it did get some to back off a little and quit piling so much on me so fast. It's hard at my place of employment as it is with most peoples, there are so many lay offs and so much more work being piled on top of others to pull up the slack... We all have it hard. On this same after noon was the company picnic, I only had time to run over and grab some food and go back to work. The whole set up was so lavish too! I work for a major pharma company and I bet this set up costs more than my annual salary! Honestly I would have gotten much more enjoyment out of a free meal in the cafe and a grocery store gift certificate. What ever happened to the days when they company got you a ham for Christmas? Now its karaoke and jugglers and catered food and TV crews.....ahh now I get it....

So anyway I had a appointment to see a house at 5pm down the shore then I was supposed to go to my Improv class and then a late date with Randy but long about 3pm I just had to get out of the office and everyone else was out having fun or had bailed for home so I did the same! I drove down towards Keyport and as usual once I hit that little draw bridge my stress seemed to fall off me and drift out into the bay....I got to the house and since its vacant explored the whole outside. It sits on a hill and the views of the bay are awesome! Not only can I see the boats over in Keyport bay but I can also see the NYC skyline and the Verazzano bridge in the distance. The yard is all gravel, no grass to mow, but there's a spot for a fire pit, and plenty of room to put in a garage someday (just in case someone who owns motorized toys is living with me). I called my realtor and he was able to come over and show me inside a bit early. It was small but the one room would make a perfect office and reiki room and has a private entrance, the basement was un-finished but would eventually make a great room for parties, exercise, and room to give my workshops. I could really en-vision people coming here to see me and having rest and peace for their souls. There was also an extra room in the back for a bedroom in case I wanted someone else t6 live there someday and possibly even put in a private entrance.

We went upstairs and talked price and options for rent or rent to own if my house didn't sell on time and I gave him the rental price that Mary had told me came to her. We talked about what needed to be completed before I could move in, there are no appliances or counter tops, much needs to be finished... I then stood in the living room and noticed the great picture window and french doors, even in winter I will have this view! I know my soul and spirit will find much rest here and I really need it if I am going to do this ministry of helping others so much. But how am I going to afford it...........dear God help I prayed and driving away I got a text from my friend who's brother owns a restaurant and she said he wants me to set something up there and we can both make money......wow maybe it's time that I can make money with CassiesCalendar.com!  I had registered the domain on Randy's birthday 4 years ago..........(not realizing it was his birthday as we hadn't started dating yet but we did a few weeks later)

So anyway I had begged off for Improv and for the date with Randy, I was just too emotional to go make out in a truck with a man I love only to have him go home to his "family", so when my friend asked me to meet her for dinner I headed back north.... On the way Randy called to see why I wasn't going to meet him (he only calls when he thinks he may be losing me other wise he calls the guys all the time) I told him how about we meet at the hook the next day after work, his birthday gift I got him off e-bay had arrived and I wanted to give it to him a week early so no one would get suspicious at home so that's the plan we made.....

Saturday I did packing and getting ready and I was so very very excited about the house and seeing Randy and the new life I was visioning in my mind and hoping hoping so hard that he was going to be a part of it too as my mate.......but slow down live today I told myself and headed off for Sandy Hook. When I saw him my heart jumped like it always did and this time extra special because I had his gift! He opened the card first and told me I was sick when I also had a pack of matches in there, to burn after reading I said, I know how it hurt me when Patti sent cards and you kept them....in the end I ended up putting it in my car to save for him... He loved the wet suit! He's like a kid and gets so much pleasure out of new fun things, I am so glad that I didn't get him the new work boots that my little voice had been telling me to get him, those were practical this was for fun! We then went to eat dinner and talk and had a lovely time and I told him all about the house so we decided to go drive by it before I headed home....... we drove up side by side again but when we turned off to go to house all the twists and turns he took the lead like he knew where he was going even though I hadn't told him, he made all the right turns too, except for the last one, but he was on the phone and distracted, later I found out it was with "her".

We got out and I showed him the place and he loved it, we walked around and we talked and we planned and were amazed that it was so close to him and the same street name just his was ave and mine was way LOL and my house number matched his block and lot#! We sat on the deck and talked for a very long time and he held me and he did that run his hands through my hair and tugged a little, his sign of this is my woman, I love it when he does that. We marveled how we can see the boats lights and the NYC lights and what a lovely deck it would be to have parties on for our friends. He then said and wow I could come over a lot, I could come over every day even....I could just stay here and let the kids have the house! I loved the sound of that but then I thought , he never said a word about getting married........... I then said don't you have to get home won't she be looking for ya? No, she called to say she was almost home and she forgot her purse in PA had to go back..........(no woman ever forgets her purse I thought to myself).....oh really I said........maybe she's got a boyfriend he said, not wanting to hurt him I didn't say that my psychic says she already has\d one... He walked me to my car and I saw his birthday card on the seat and said how about I keep it and put it in this house when I move here so you can see it when you visit me? Yeah you do dat he said, I love that card I don't want it to get lost......

All in all a night of dreams and wishes and hopes for the future, it's a bit of a tall order but that's OK........I am not asking for a castle, just a little ranch house by the bay that will be my castle.........and for a king to live in it with me........and a cat or two and lots of visits from son's and wives and grand-kids.......and friends and more friends....

Today are you dreaming of your castle? Do you have the faith to believe it can all come true..............if you have a dream it's because God put it there........have the courage to make it come true by believing.......

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

I Have a Dream