10-23-10 Escaping The Ghosts

10-23-10 Escaping The Ghosts

Thursday night I went to give the heal your heart workshop, besides myself and Melissa, the newest Reiki master I am working with, there were two others. Both of them are very spiritual and have studied many things and they have great wisdom and power of their own. I was a bit dissapointed first for the small turn out and second that these weren't "newbies" In my mind the heal your heart workshop is a starter type thing and not so amazing to more studied people like these but I ened up being wrong on both counts. First, all 4 of us were very similar in many ways and the connection was fast and strong between us, and secondly no matter how advanced your studies there are still things to heal. I even wrote a few things down and healed, most notably the one about Randy and having to go to being just buddies. I had texted him on my way there I had talked to Mary and she said she sensed he was looking for someone else to "play" with and I saw an ad on CL that could be him, I texted and asked was it him and said use caution...his only reply was...you should answer it. I felt very defeated but I opened my fortune cookie and it said fall down 7 times, get back up 8....

After the meditation we went outside and lit a fire to burn the painful parts we had written down for the healing, it was a beautiful night and just the beging of the full moon too. We talked and shared and made plans for future things, I marveled how I had connected with yet another group of like minded souls and how this has been my life, never sticking to just one crowd but instead traveling from tribe to tribe and being at home with whomever I am with. It grew cold and we decided to do some angel card readings (melissa reads angel cards and does reiki just like me). We decided to pass the deck between the 4 of us, each drawing a card 1 at a time till we had 3 and to read each other. It was wonderful how that all worked out , we all got messages for each other when we read out cards. I dont recall my cards exactly but the first one they said was about a drawbridge and they say i belong on the other side of it and with my love..I started to cry because there is a drawbridge i drive over when i head to keyport so they confirmed I belong down there. They also said that Randy needs to heal of his fear of being alone, and once he does we can be together. My hopes are not high in that department but I do know anything can happen.

Next card and suddendly she said someone was in the room, turns out it was Gus my ex-husband saying he didn't want me to move, I belonged in this house with him. We argued with him some on this, telling him his time with me was done he needed to stay in the light, when we wouldnt let him apoplogize he sat down and cried, then he got up and grabbed the for sale sign and danced around the yard running off with it ( i did have to put it back up again today) They said I need to stop engaging with him and say merely GO AWAY, and that he may try to come around but be strong. She kept seeing pumpkins and I recalled how people used jack-o-lanterns to ward off evil spirits on Halloween so she gave me a battery operated one to take home. The last card was favorable outcome, showing me I still have some things to get through but in the end I will be happy.

I came home that night and it was late but I put the jack-o-lanter in the window and I recalled how when I was sweeping earlier I found and Inspiristone on the floor and put it on the window sill, suddenly I thought I should put one in every window to protect for the appraisal the next day. I grabbed a few thinking its too late to do them ALL, but then I felt I should try so I grabbed all my hand could hold and went to each window and doorway and said spirits stay out this is MY house at each spot, and I went to all of them, amazingly my tennant wasnt home I did his room, Jeremy was at work I did the attic, and do you know when do I had the exact amount of stones to do each window and outside doorway! Amazing! I slept very peacfully and dreamed of being held and kissed and loves in a truck....I wrote to Randy and asked was that him in my dream and he said Yup sure was......


On friday as I was getting ready for them to come I smelled cigarettes and knew Gus was around, he probalbly came in with Jermey when he got home from work! I opened the door and ordered him out after sending an e-mail for help to all my spiritual friends and it worked! He left just before they arrived and I was glad to be here to speak to the appriaser and the realtor for the historical society, he said the planning board wanted to explain to me why this is taking so long and I said I didnt care. They said maybe a week they'd have this back and I said a week is too late I have to be out by 11/1 and look for something this weekend..... but for some reason I didnt feel like looking, I had a strong sense of wait and see, so I texted my realtor down there and asked him to drive by and see just in case that one on Sunset is not gone yet......and I got the mail and there is a letter that they want me to call them on monday, the township planning board wants to talk about preserving it for open spaces or something so I will call. Every one keeps telling me I am not being reasonable about this price or where I am going to live. I just keep remembering my vision of me on that deck of the one on sunset. If I try to force an answer I am often wrong but spontaneous, not sought visions they mean something they do and I am not going to listen to the nay-sayers, I am not going to give up on my dreams not yet, not while I am still in the dark......I can face the reality of any dawn and deal with it but why give up on a dream when there's still time to dream and create?

I texted Randy to see if he got sunday off, he said yuppers, what ya gonna do I texted? Maybe go to Vermont??.. nice I said...I wasnt going to ask to go, I am broke and didnt figure if he was going to get any pokey he'd invite me.... then he said maybe he'd stay home work on the sled (snowmobile) I said hey if you go for a bike (motorcycle ride) by me to stop over, arent ya house hunting he said? Not sure where I am going-- gonna wait I texted.......he called me later on his dinner break and said he didnt see much sence in goign to VT to look at cabins when he wont be buying for another 5-10 yrs, no point in going up there when he had no plan.......and he didnt want to ride up here because it was no fun to ride alone, even when I offered to follow in the car and go into PA to see the leaves, he then started to talk about his kids and the movie they saw the night before and I realized since I wasnt gonna "put out" he'd rather spend his time with them.....yup back to the old same safe and secure path he knows best. But harmony was my card today and amazingly I realized that I wasnt mad, he only made me cry when he told me I should buy that crappy little trailer for temporary housing or I should stay here when I told him half a dozen times I cant stay here I cant pay the oil bill and its falling apart water is not working right furnace ready to go. I know what he wants is for me to keep waiting here, not wasting money for his maybe someday for us when the kids are gone....... nope that's not for me. I am going onward on my path and he can stay behind or catch up its his choice to make.

I have no idea still how this is going to turn out but some things are solidfying. One I know for sure I belong in Keyport and I am going to Keyport either November 1st or soon, defitley before Christmas hopefully before Thanksgiving. I also believe with my whole heart that I belong in a nice place, that one on sunset with the great bay views is where I keep seeing myself and bring friends there to rest and to heal and to grow. I just dont know if NOW or maybe rent a year and then buy it, I worrry about how this can work but then I just give it back to God. Tonight's a full moon and it has amazing powers, again I am going to send up my intentions and trust trust trust and shut out all the negative doupting mocking voices of my friends. Its funny how when you get strong enough to shut out your own voice then others come with their well intentioned "reality" checks for you. Bah! You can only achive what you can belive and if you let doupt or fear come in you fail for sure. I am not going to be held back anymore by fear, doupt, or ghosts of the past I am going to call on the power of the universe to guide me to the fullfillment of my dreams!

What do you want to belive in today? Can you set yourself free of the ghosts and the fears that hold you down? If you need help call on the power from the heavens and you will be set free..........

With Love and in the Light, Cassie

Thriller

"Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you in better living conditions. . . God wants to see more love and playfulness in your eye, for that is your greatest witness to what is sacred. . . . Your heart and my heart are very, very old friends." ~Hafiz